First day down.

I have to tell myself to be strong, that I can do this alone.

Honestly, I'm not so sure. I'm not even sure I can last this week in the state I am now. But at least at some points of today, I find myself insisting I can, however terrible it gets.

Just when I thought the worse is here and I'll just grin and bear it out, the low really struck. At points in my life, I have felt the lows of life so badly that it's shaken my confidence to face the world as me. But today was simply the mother of all fucked days after these 2 nights.

I used to have a cushion to allievate all unhappiness and minimise all damage I've suffered emotionally.

But what happens now when the support is precisely the one who is digging your insides now?

Me:"Do you think the status we display in our friendster and facebook affects our relationship?"
Ryan:"It certainly does. If you claim you love this person, you'll definitely want the whole world to know you're with him/her. You want that recognition for yourself too. Even if in reality, you do showcase him/her as your love, it should be uniform in all virtual settings too."

But it has never been the case for me. Has this been the prick ever since then?

Why do we always only blog when negative strikes?
Like Ryan mentioned, I guess its coz loneliness has never gotten better company than the internet.

This day is terrible. Terrible to bear. terrible to return to even in memory.

I wish there is some way where you can leave this world physically without hurting youre family.

The cute factor of moving the clouds got me choosing this template. The bright colours, the cheery face, the tiny beautiful rainbow.

It all brings to mind the images of children, cuteness and happiness.

Yet, I'm not happy. I haven't been for a while.

I'm not a raving mess. For every unhappiness, there is a source obviously. Dont ask me if I'm unhappy for no particular reason then. That is the dumbest thing ever. In this world, there will never be unhappiness without reason.

Except that mine stems from guilt. Guilt of letting down another. Yet again.

Life.

Talk about the down side of civilization.

As we move up technologically, we regress in mannerism. The oxymoron of such a statement shouldn't be lost on you if you take a look around at the general Singaporean.

For every kind soul who gives up the seat for pregnant ladies/old folks/young children/mothers loaded with shopping, pram AND kid(s), there will be 10 who occupies the seat, blatantly eyeing the swollen bump of a pregnant lady.

For every considerate driver on the road, there will be 100 more who cuts into your lane without so much as a signal.

For every one person who hangs back and lets the young, old and ail board or alight public transports first, there will be a thousand more who rush to to be the first.

What civilness are we talking about then? What extent has education inculcate values in our children, the next generation then?

A teacher's work starts with the very time her students lay eyes on her. But a teacher's work always gets thrown off when the children leave the school and escapes into society. For the society has breed a generation of youngsters who knows not the meaning of wait, give and being considerate.

Why then have I stayed on in service and make the effort to drag myself to school each day?

The ability to have amazing results churned out of the machine, the chances to read the thank-yous and praises from the children and a group of supportive colleagues who let you rant about your bad days without interruptions.

I am a teacher. :)