Meeting Jess later in the day. Lunching.

Damn this menses. Hibernating soon.

Thank you everybody for our shared disgust. But let's not devote anymore than these sentences to Disgust. After all, everything's down in rubbish chute. YEAAAAA. Okies, no more yucks!

Swear no more tio gong tao moments. I'm too busy missing my baby and telling him I miss him. So Good Night lovies.

These pictures are long overdue.....taken the Sentosa weekend when we celebrated baby's birthday with the private jacuzzi in our suite. The jacuzzi overlooks the Siloso Beach directly on top of Cafe Del Mar. so damn cool!!!

And again, between the both of us, we finished a bottle of champagne. Baby always says, when we are living together, we'll be drunk every night. Going by all those nights, when i grocery shop for us next time, its packs of Heineken and cartons of Moet.

I miss the days when we have each other for whole days. I miss the Sentosa getaway. I miss his surprised face when we waited for him in Yumeya. I miss getting into cahoots with the people to plan his birthday and getting gan jiong when he may spoil the surprise. I miss my baby calling me baby. I miss my baby telling me "Bow to the Prince of Taj Mahal".

In a nutshell, I miss my baby.

Haiz....baby baby, its a wild wild world....but i love you.

Alright, shall spare you further nasuating information. For now.

Is it really worth it to save and scrimp on everything just to marry someone on that one day which isnt even meant to please you?

I'll say it is. If you get to dictate what happens on that day, who to invite, who to see, what to wear, what to do, where to go, who to have, what to eat. Coz if left to me, I want an Arabian Night theme. With a gold wedding gown. And a traditional cantonese kua. Brought in from HongKong. So!

But evidently, that night only begins a life of struggle to live with someone you want to impress. Its precisely coz of the need to impress that makes the living together difficult. When you're dating, you have your own privacy to think things through alone, the opportunity to miss and look forward to the next date, the chance to recall all the memories you share. All these are gone the moment you live together coz you get to see him/her everyday now. The mysterious element is taken out now.

You no longer need to wonder what he is up to when he doesnt reply your smses. Coz you will hear his fart all the way from the kitchen as he is grabbing a beer from the fridge. He need not worry you will run away. Coz you are wearing the ring which tells the world you're his for life. Yes, even if the diamond is just as big as your pi-sai, it counts.

You smell each other's sweat, he throws his clothes all over the room, you take over the whole closet with your clothes, he gets control of the TV remote, you get hold of his unlimited credit card, he messes around with his golf clubs most of the time, you tinkle around in your jewellry all the time, he comes to you in the middle of the night, you drool into his pillow and stuff it in his face every night, he burps and fart at every opportunity he has (dat means every breakfast, recess, lunch, tea break, dinner, supper), you preen in the room for hours when he asks "Dine out tonight, Honey?" and you end up at the kopitiam opposite your block eating a plate of char kway teow. And when you give him the "you-are-so-dead" face with your carefully applied make-up and 3 inch heels, he will look at you innocently and say, "But baby! Isnt this more worth it than some $80 dinner which you are not even full??"

Ah.....Marriage. These marriages we witness in your parents everyday of our lives. Those days when there are no such things as shot-gun marriages, high rates of divorce and single-parenting. And I dont believe in shotgun marriages coz I have only witness one too many failed ones built on an unplanned child. I wont get a divorce coz once he marries me, he better take up that responsibilty for life. I will only stick to single-parenting if I dont feel secure enough to start a family when the one I'm with.

I wont compare my diamonds with my friends. Coz I earned them on my own credit. I wont compete with others to achieve a 5figure salary, a District 6 address with a big-ass car. Coz if I ever do get them, I get them on my terms.

At the end of the day, I just need that security to sign my name on a piece of paper, commiting me to him for a lifetime. I thought after all that I had, I gave up any hopes on that. But now that I have him who I can't let go off, I want to hold onto him. I just want to be with him. But I dont see why we always have misunderstandings.

I wonder why I feel upset too. In all these psychedelic time, it found me an unexpected source. This person gave me this lyrics.


If you wander off too far, my love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever feel ashamed, my love will get you home.
When there's only you to blame, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

But seriously, it does.

On top of that, thank you Jess. I am feeling happier indeed.

I have mentioned this 1836376547364 267times. So much so it is so damn rotten. Time flies.



Still, it's been

1 year since I've put my name down on a dotted line, commiting myself to being a teacher.

2years since I last put on a school uniform.

3years since Enen has grown up.

4years since I've been __________ . Consequently, that was the last time I get to ever laugh without a tainted heart.

5years since I've nothing to worry about.

6years since I left my first major crush behind.

7years since I think brown checked skirts make nice uniforms.

8years since I was a naive innocent.

16years since I enjoyed my life fully.

18years since I've been carried out of the house and everywhere.

20years since I've left my mama's womb.



Sometimes I wish I didnt leave it at all. But obviously those were the times my brain kenna short-circuit. Coz I am glad I left her apron strings.

I can feel one of my damn moods coming on. Fuck. I really dont wish for this to happen. But I can't stop feeling everything should be in doubt. Fuck fuck fuck. These moods will kill me.

I told Eddie his new bag looks very very pretty. Albeit its pink.



Then I saw the tag on the lock.



HERMES.



So I pressed him but he turned round and gave me that cottequish smile of him. OH DAMN! Its a Hermes Birkin for goodness sake! I wondered which sugardaddy was willing to part with _____. Then Yang told me it cost them just $--. #*^$%&$%*!&@# And between Yang, Eddie and Mango, they swept it all up. *#^$%&%#*.



Anyway I picked up tops and belt from Mango's shop. I swear this will be my last load of shopping for the month. On the side, when Baby asked if he were to visit me at home and open my closet one day, will he faint from the mere sight? In the end, we agree he will give me a room for my clothes in future. Yes. Which reminds me: I have to shop for Yang's birthday present. And to prepare for Halloween. There will be a pirate, a witch, Durian Sisters. Upon hearing this, Eddie & I decided we should be the Living Dead Doll sisters. Baby may be Flinstone. I have no idea why. Ask Mango.

This obscure eatery behind Mango's shop served us dinner. Mango said all the food was prepared by a tiny lady. And so I told them I'm going for a baking course. Only to have everybody feel like throwing shoes at Eddie coz he admitted to not know how to turn on a stove. I think he's only interested in turning on a man. Oh well.....nvm I can attend dat course myself.

Last night was the first time I watched live band in a chinese club. Yi Bar. Those patrons there reminds me of the loansharks featured on Channel 8. All those big solid gold bracelets and the flowery ah peh shirts. And Ah Mei song. Hm......its fine if you really want to dance. To Hokkien, Canto songs. Its a perfect place if you just want a beer and watch some performance. The butch's voice is pretty good for chinese songs. I think its a very cheena beng club. I think I'm still an angmoh ah lian at heart.

I wont mind going back if I'm not looking to dance to the songs. In fact, its good to just sit around with space to move around. After all, you'll be tired having to squeeze and elbow 12864563453people just to get to the toilet. Not to mention you get watch Jacky Chan re-runs on Channel 8 while you groove to para para kind of trance. Okies, I think I'm going back there. Soon.

In the meantime, I think I have to practice signature. My baby has got a very very difficult signature.....and a very accessible credit card. so...

Apple Crumble Obsession

One can't have too many of apple crumble. Just like girls can't have too many of shoes/bags/clothes/blah blah blah. So I dont exactly blame the craving for it. Rather it is quite a pity if I do not try the various types of apple crumble available on the market.

I've had had Dome's, Anderson's, Swensen's, a few obscure shops I dont ever remember the names(one of which is the cartoon network place). I still think nothing beats a heated crumble with vanilla ice cream. I'm not too sure why Anderson's had theirs cold.

Maybe their microwave oven spoilt on the day of my visit. Maybe the waitress has an eternal fear of the microwave oven exploding in her face. Maybe the boss said, "Look at that girl, I think she likes the crumble cold." So they didnt heat it up for me. Maybe the electricity was cut off for one milli-second in which they cannot get the microwave oven to work so they didnt heat it up.

Alright....MOVING ON, I still think apple crumble are the nicest inventions in the whole wide world! Of course, along with the internet, chocolates, books, paper, pen, schools, teachers, shopping malls, bags, shoes, clothes, fabrics, etc etc. You get the picture.

Anyway, in essense, I'm trying to say I love apply crumble! With lotsa apple in it and tonnes of ice cream on it. Yum....hm.....

Much as I can go on and on about the virtues of apple crumble (hey, its made of apples, it means its healthy right....? Whatever) , I have more pressing issues on my mind. Like Huda's birthday just passed and I have yet to give her her present.(HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MY DEAR!) Or I have completed my podcast (with Huda's help. Yet. Again. Yea, I know....How ever did I pass that round of interview right? I think they will tell you coz I look teacherly) but have yet to do the peer review and self reflection. Speaking of which, my tutor rang up at the unholy hour to inform me my partner has flunked her assignment and I have to look for another group. Oh well, got it settled within 5mins. Helps to have friends in school doesnt it? And also the slides for the presentation next week and the meeting we have set up tomorrow morning in school.

Most importantly though, the week is passing by so slowly. Do you ever glance at the clock furtively every 5minutes hoping hours have flowed by without you noticing? Have you stared down at your handphone's clock and thought you misread the time and checked your watch, clocks in your room as well as the one hanging prominently in your living room; only to find it is true that only 3mins has pass?

I'm having one of these will-time-hurry-the-fuck-up moments NOW. And I can't quite figure it out. I dont have any appointments. I'm not pressed for time giving tuition. I have not arranged for anything to be done. So why am I getting restless like ants are crawling all over my ass?

Today is supposed to be a lazy day. Albeit an assignment day. I finally get to sleep till the sun fried my ass for the first time in 3weeks.

Ever since THAT weekend, I basically have to work my ass off during the week to get things done. Tuitions everyday, assignments preparation every other day. What with PSLE coming up, with every lesson postponed comes added work for me. On top of which, my work to prepare for school. I squeeze and cramp my calender only to bring out a day or two of complete nothing each week for_________. Yet I seem frivilous.

I guess if you enjoy the work you have chosen for yourself, wont your days; even if your working seem like holidays too? I whine about school, complain about work, grumble about my tuition kids. But I still enjoy it at the end of the day. (Ok not so much of the school I'll admit. But its assignment based this sem and I can't say I have much to grumble about)

But even Huda knows I work eventually. How else do I accomplish tasks??

Am I trying to scout excuses from kicking a fuss or am I consoling myself for the sake of trust?

Sometimes, it doesnt pay to be available.

I may as well go easy on myself and work a little each day. Instead of scramping my head off 5days a week. Frankly, I am very tired from hurrying school to tuition, tuition to home,dinner to work, work to sleep kind of days. If I spread it all out, I need not ever rush tuition back to back. Just looking at the way I wrote in my october schedule, I feel so tired. Drop dead tired. Alright, shall not stretch myself anymore.

I don't wish to be available anymore.

Plus, there's always apple crumble.

P.S. I signed up for a baking course. Do you think I can request to make apple crumble?

Baby: "Eh, how come you sleep from your pillow to mine?"


Me: "I can't help it....you pulled me to sleep in your arms."


Baby: "Really ar.....orh...."





I think it wont hurt him to NOT let him know I love to snatch whatever he has. WHAHAHA! (After all he got his own pillow but gave me one which he has been using since young....I can only imagine all the spilt milk and saliva on it.....eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)





But then he may know from the shivering he had to suffer last night coz I took up the whole blanket.....hm.....





In any case, the wine kept him warm enough to survive the night. oh well....

This lecher was breathing down my neck half the time. Awwww..........I love my baby...

(I'm lovesick. Again. Love. Yucks. Disgusting.)

Do you wake up in the mornings hoping the night will never end so your sleep can carry on?

Have you ever peeked through the curtains in the morning and hoping to snuggle in bed coz you see rain dancing on your window panes?

Will you still get up in the middle of comtemplation and decide responsibilities are more important than catching up on sleep?

Geez. I actually chose responsibilites over sleeping. I really am getting old.

Consolation of the day:
I get paid $** per hr for my tutoring. I see my baby at the end of that day. I get to sleep with him to boot. :)

E-learning week in essence is work week. Let me remind myself that after tomorrow. Coz tonight I can get beer with baby! Ever since the Sentosa weekend, I miss waking up smelling like wine. Its been some times since my alcoholic days. Much as I swore off those days, baby makes beer seem so tempting. Oh well.

In a funny way, I miss the train rides to and from school. It must be all the teacher-boring-madness getting to my head. Fuck.

But I really miss chatting with Huda and Shaf on the train. And Tris's constant "Hey guys where's the party at?"

Am Msning with Jess.
"Eh you're really my baby sia."
"Of coz la, I even zap e dcm lecture notes for u le."

Reminds me of why I go to school. Aww.........

Still, I think I miss my baby more. 3 more hours!