Cant wait for school to start!! Treeess is staying at the hostel this year too! Then can have kaki for dinner. Or rather diet as she says. That bimbotic giggle! Lol. Only Shaf's the sane one here. And apparently, she got herself a nicer bf like me! Though hers is older!

Miss school now!!! Moving back then clean up.

Cosy weather! Rain again! Think Xiao Bai's calling out to me!

He popped by this morning, taking me by surprise. I thought it should be clear. But apparently, I staged a bf for him. For a while there, I hoped he had got over it and simply wished me well. Yet when his mouth opens, I wished he'll just get away.

He said he loved me best when nobody could. In a way, I understood what he said.

When we first got together, it wasnt as ideal. I didnt understand the big secrecy or the fact that I'm called "friend", yet my responsibilites covers the role of a girlfriend. But I chose to overlook that fact coz for awhile I like having my hands held or that I have someone when that dragonlady flies off the handle or all the nice things I could have when I was with him.

But there's bound to come a day when I'm sick of bring a shadow or "Punggol" or "friend". I'm standing firm on my decision, but will it work?? I'm not even sure myself. How things blow hot and cold sometimes, it's just so unpredictable.

But I dont see how I can help myself now. My cramps are killing me anyway. Xiao Bai has got lots to do tonight.

Faced with a wall, what should I do really?

Life's so full of if only. If only i were born into a rich family. If only i could be smart like a genius. If only i had studied harder. But there's only so much that you can do about your "if=only".

If only you had treated me better. If only you listened when I speak. If only you were willing to let people know about me. If only you hadnt kept me a secret. If only I had loved you just that bit more. If only you could have shown me you could love me. If only you held my hands longer when i needed the comfort. If only you stopped the tears you caused and stem the roots of problems. Then things wouldnt have turned out the way it is.

Humans regret every actions we've taken. We doubt the actions we are taking. We hope for the best for future actions. I dont need all these after Ive cried for it for so long, thank you. I just wish you understand that.

Anyway I have to move into my room early next week. I can only imagine the dust. If dust is sellable, I'll be a millionaire. Time to shop to being a housewife! Even for being a day! Actually Im looking forward to it! Housewife tendzil~

Xiao Bai's aging rapid ever since touchdown.....shall not bring her out to work tml....work...i wish i can crawl into bed and disappear forever.

Xmas's arrived!! Happy Xmas!

My Xiao Bai and Xiao Hei got to spend Xmas inSingapore with me~ I think the fruits of the Taiwan trip is getting to me! Elmo's gonna be so jealous now that I've decided to bring Xiao Hei over to my hostel! But next year's timetable is so erratic which means I've got to stay in everyday! Then how on earth can I stay without some form of comfort??

Old man says my bed is already so full of soft toys that I've got no space for him....I think with Xiao Hei gone, there might be some space ba....hm.....depends on how my old man behaves.

Anyway he bought me a kimono Hello Kitty! And a Hello Kitty little tin. And a little purse which my mama wants when she sees it.....-_-'' Home town of the kitty cat! He's so in love with Japan now I think its going to be hard to pull him back to Singapore.

Get to see my old man in 2hours. Lets hope we wont be late.

Happy Xmas!

A day since I've been back. When I was excited to leave, I cant wait to be back as well. Still not done relishing my trip yet, shall elaborate about the tour another time.

The reason for blogging: my mind is bogged!

I dont understand what exactly is Jeremy feeling and most probably I never will. At a point, I was more than willing to pour out everything for him. But that moment passed and it seems he's still stuck in the time machine whilst I've raced off and left him eating my dust.

I felt selfish and cruel for breaking up with him. But I'll be cruel to myself if i had stayed on. While I wished i could have got over it and stayed with him, fact is I could not and never have. Affection doesnt last long but it doesnt mean I threw away all our memories the moment I left him. I juz wish he can see that.

I wish there's something i can do to make this easier for him. And i dun understand this thing about the face thing. Old man told me before he cant forget his ex's smile. Now Jeremy told me he's lost without my smile. Smiles. They say its 100 watts or something. I wish my smiles will juz get brighter and brighter and brighter and just glow so bright it blinds people forever. Especially Jeremy then he can finally hate me for making him blind.

Girls! Use your smiles! So someone cant forget it. Guess that's what they say about keep smiling, you never know who's falling in love with your smile. Shall smile like mad when i go out so i can make someone fall in love with my smile. Then I can be someone's Siao Eh.

sheesh! Where's the numb when u need it?

I'm leaving for Taiwan in the morning!! I'm so excited I'm so restless! I've packed my bags, my shoes, my clothes, done my nails and everything there is to do. Let's hope I do not arrive there just to discover that I've missed something.

And my old man just sms me from Japan Osaka! He's lucky to get a nice host family. But then if they are not nice I guess old man will just thump them! But the messages didnt last long and he was gone! Lets pray that he received my email after all.

Miss my dear old man!

Went to pick up some stuff from Baby's mama since she just went Taiwan. And my Baby kissed me left, right and centre! Rare gem! I'll miss her when I'm gone. Babies grow up so awfully fast!

By the time I'm back, I have so many shows I want to catch. Charlotte's Web. School for Scoundrels. The Holiday. Death Note. And this new Eddie Murphy show. Book me b4 my school term starts!

& I still miss my old man!

I may have found the warm, life size, not ticklish Elmo I want.....Not big mouthed though....BUT what's the use of a big mouthed bf?? He's more of my dear old man though.....not very Elmo-ish....

I realised all the getting together always happen so fast. I have no idea as well. But I would say this is nice....I feel as if I see him everyday though I've only seen him 3 times. Lol and I didnt realise till he mentions. I think what sets it apart is that he's willing to sought out the supernaturals with me. Normally, people will just dissuade me and lock me up at home. I feel that he'll give in easier. I dont know....

He's off to Japan for now. Let's see if he's got step 1 covered when I see him next week. Lol.... Anticipation isnt exactly a comfortable feeling. Lol but then steps covered or not, I think my mind's made up.

Maybe God was listening after all!

They say in every grey cloud there's a silver lining. In my fluffy cloud, I found a thread. But the hell that I cant make out anything of the thread.

Xuxu suggest God may know. HEY GOD? FREE FOR A CHAT??

Gelare!

Dearest Darren bought a new phone! N93! Blogging from his phone~ So cool!! Anyway dinner's on the way, gotta make this fast. Just recovered from another bout of stomach flu. When Darren rang up, I was barely making it out of bed. But then my old man says its good to go out. Moreover its rainy!

"So what do you feel like having?"

"Ice cream."

So we went Gelare, and ordered an ice cream waffle. He was just happily nagging me when the ice cream arrived, and....

"WAIT! YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE THIS RIGHT!!"

-_-'' And there goes my ice cream. Instead I got a BlackForest. ARGH!

Anyway, dinner's here! Shall update later! Ciao!

P.S. Still cant get over phone blogging!

Hair Day

I dyed my hair violet ash with honey streaks. Only that the ash gave off green, gold and blue effects as well. I sat through a total of 6 hours. So Xmasy! Just like my rebonding session last year. Simply because I had to do a bleach before I can get the ash tone over the black dye.

On fri, I have a manicure/pedicure session as well! To have Jack & Sally from Nightmare b4 Xmas on my nails!! YEA~~

Ai mei bu yao ming.

Anyway Xmas mood has already made its presence known. And my dear old man has booked my xmas but there'll still be pressies! So dont be upset!

I took some pics but the colours in my hair simply dont reflect in the photos. Anyway, here's me.

Its been a long time since I'm seen in specs anway. I supposedly look intellectual here. To use the exact words "like a student".

And I dont know what is it. But friends who are friends for so long are stepping into the dangerous line. Kiss-the-boys day is here?? How on earth is it that I never had any idea about it??

just as well that my life has degenerated into msn chating and emails. its so damn bloody difficult to get into real world. or rather i want to stay in my own world.

i tried waking up this morning but a million little invisible men held me down and hammered at my head with horrible little hammers. so i gave up and went back to sleep. mama woke me up again later and this time round, a million little men pushed the food around in my tummy and made me soak my bed in horrible stench. then i moved on to just die out on my cousie's bed in my popo's place.

oh gosh, what a day. anyway my font would have given u a clue as to what is wrong with my processor. seriously, i was just telling my cousie my processor seems to have crashed and i have to reboot or reformat my system.

and he suggested i go back to my elmo. well how i wish i can. if only elmo is just that little bit bigger. and just that little bit warmer. and just that little bit less hairy. and just that little bit less ticklish. i would really just stay in bed and marry him forever.

moreover elmo always smiles that wide bright smile when he sees me. and grins that wide bright grin when i hug him to sleep. and laughs so happily whenever i talk. and he never ever argues with me. and imagine how many people can actually be promoted to Mrs. Elmo-Tan. and how many kids will worship me for i represent their world's biggest idol ever. and which girl can boast of having the man of her dreams whoms she idiolises ever since she's a little girl?

well, that's so much for an entry for a very washed out me. shall settle for the lesser now.

Its probably one of the best and worst nights i ever had in my life.

I burst a bubble on my toes without realising it, scratched my ankle when i almost tripped and the corn torn off partly with the plaster leaving the centre bare and looking disgusting. Not to mention some harassing.

If love is insulting, why is love existing? Its illogical. So much for craving for it. I believe I'm done with it.

Still, I had fun. I shopped for a lappie wv my aunts, got treated to a nice restaurant by my aunt's bf and got to party with the girls and babe. Or wandering around more like it.

I thought I will crash out in bed. Instead I'm still awake. What is wrong?

Poor Teddy!!! Argh!!! My heart aches for my baby bear!

Runway

As I watch Project Runway, I worked my way through a packet of jelly. In a space of 3omins. Actually its not even that much. I only took all the reds. BUT its damn difficult to pull off the plastic top. In the end, I had to cut off all the edges and squeeze those squish stuff in a bowl. Still Elmo enjoyed it. That I'm sure.

I was just channel surfing and came across this Channel 8 serial. The girl says she will never be a wife. Personally, being a wife is a lose-lose situation. Wife only gets the chores, kids and the respectability which comes with being Mrs. Blah Blah Blah. (Unless its Mrs Lamborghini. THAT I'll be jumping with joy) Whereas a mistress gets the mind, heart, body of the man as well as the depth of the pocket. Moreover its a no-strings attached arrangement. A mistress moved on as and when she likes. Thing is, I've been doing the chores. That's 1/3 of the wifey aspect! But then, if ever I were a housewife, I sure am a desperate one.

And the above's just ranting. Otherwise I'll be wasting the efforts of someone.

Anyway, eating jelly and talking to JX reminds me the next bf criteria. The next one better be one who can tear off the plastic tops of my jellys and eat up all the rest of the colours which I dont eat.

P.S. I've got craving for oreo cheesecake. Suddenly. DAMN! And after I just said I need to lay of cheese for some time. And the fact that I had to make do with chocolate biscuits coz there's no cheesecake at this time of the day.

Dating with the girls will always be fun! I miss yous so much!

MUACKS*

Pictires another day. I'm going to die.

Spring cleaning today. Sometimes I wish I live in a shoebox or that my grandpa owns hotels or I've got Bill Gates as my daddy. Then my hands wont know a day's worth of scrubbing, cleaning and clearing.

While I was digging through the pile of books I've accumulated, a bunch of letters and torn albums fell out as well. (And I had to give away the Enid Blyton collection coz my mama is "through wv my growing pile of books"....Damn! I was hoping to save it for my kids~ -_-'')

But the bunch of letters transports me straight back to siglap days. Jokers, laughter, girls, letters, teachers. When you have letter passing during boring lessons, jokers for classmates and a form teacher who's passion's in jokes, days just fly by. Of all things to invent, they should have invented a time controller.

Letters aside, the torn album's full of my baby photos. Apparently, its taken during my 1st birthday. From my clueless little face, its obvious I cant make out what to do with the testerone around me. So many other little faces peeping at the two humogous cakes. And there were shots of my very pregnant mama and very young papa carrying me between them.

For awhile, I thought about not having a sickening little brother to vie for my parent's attention with me. Life would have been so much better. I get all the attention and pampering. But then I will become an asshole like that devil's spawn I have to call brother.

But then, I cant deny the childhood I had was enjoyable. And I scream like a banshee when I fell....that was hell for my parents....lolz!

Anyway sat's party who wans to go plz do drop me line! Date me!


I'm waiting...................

Barbie Dolls

I have not had a barbie doll since 15 and my mom had it all thrown out when we shifted house. Yesterday, when I was down picking Baby up, her neighbour gave her a couple of barbies to play with. When I saw the barbies, I missed my barbies tremendously.

Do you miss your childhood? Mine passed me by without my noticing. I think that's why I'm chasing after it now.

I shall have barbie for Xmas then!

MoS has a party next saturday. One for one or free entry with invites. I want to go! Interested please give me a call!