Its bloody disputed days. An erupted volcano. Awaiting foreign aid.

check ur inboxes Babes.

Do you ever wonder why the papers are only filled with positive uplifting news? Instead of criticism and what-nots? I do. I did. Now I know. Management power mah.

Every 100% of mass com work handed in, only 20%'s approved. The other 80% can be chuck down the rubbish chute. Yes. The creme. Its the bestest of the best. The lightest of the cream. But its also the blandest of the bland. Tasteless, odourless and plain boring. That's what Singapore is. The life is boring, school is boring, home is boring, humans are boring, even I am boring. Boring boring safe Garden City.

I only see the papers claiming we are top for Airport, best for Port, excellent for corruption(top5 not bad la), role models for academic performance. So-&-so wants to learn from us. This-&-that wishes to consult us. Seriously. Its just bullshit. Shit. Really. Just plain rubbish.

The papers dont tell you the failed investments, the bad report from overseas universities, the jokes on us, the actualy aim of stifling us. None. They just tell you "oh!Sg is so safe, so pretty, so high tech that people like to come over" That's bloody serious censorship.

They actually mean "oh! Sinagporeans are terrified of provoking the top levels that they shut up, so afraid of the cane landing on their butts so much so that they are allergic to crimes, so we are safe. We're pretty coz we spend the bulk of the taxpayers' money on serious beautifying stuff like trees and flowers. & people visit this little well bottom coz we're part of the SEA leg. Yea."

Its sickening how misleading a message they send out. Its scary how extreme their propaganda is. They do whateva they please. Like the rich gets richer, more powerful and intidimidating. The poor like us will barely scrape the bottom of the barrels. They drum up their own publicity, claiming other countries are clamouring to be like us.

Well, frankly, if the world's a stage, US&China's the lead & we're just the lady-in-waiting trailing behind. Unseen. Unheard. Unnoticed. We are nothing. We are nowhere. Nowhere. Not even on the world map if you dont look closely. We are a bunch of crazy shit.

All this fuss about pure breds. It's extended to humans. I used to read hopelessly romantic novels where the heroines have pure bred dogs/horses/sheeps/cows/bats/birds/etc etc. And only the beautiful, the famous & the rich can afford such luxuries in those times.

Then there was the craze over dogs/cats/chihuahuas/fishes & what nots being pure bred not so long ago. I once witness an uncle asking the aquarium owner "Eh, this luo han pure anot?" Siao! As if the owner will know if that particular fish's parents are of the same species. I mean how do you even decipher which is which? How do you tell the Malay fish from the Chinese fish? Or the angmog dog from the indian dog? Or the Jap cat from the Persian cat? Fine. Maybe I can distinguish the Persian thing. But seriously, is purity so important?

Now you get people asking you "Oh so are you a pure ACSian/Rafflesian/HwaChongsian/Any-branded-school-sian?" Seriously, what's their problem? I really feel like digging my fingers right into their ears and clean their brains. Well...supposedly the ears connect to your brains...whateva. The point I'm driving at is the "sian" thing.

It must be the government's fault. Coz a diploma holder and a cert holder get different pay for the same job. Eg. a rubbish job of a teacher. The degree prick gets, say $1800. The diploma loser gets $1500. That's what this Government is telling us. They may drum up as much hoopla about people recongnising diplomas, they may propose that diploma holders get jobs easily.

BUT at the end of the publicity, their own departments see only your paper qualifications. The minister's very kind. "You got diploma you work office boy lor." "You got degree ar! Wah! Congrats you're part of the company staff!" Now, "Double Wah! You scholar ar! You Manager le la. No need slog la!" Where is the "we accept each individual"shit? The government's contradictiing themselves. All these paper shit. Its just a paper anyway. Just a useless paper.

& I'm contradicting myself. If its just a paper, why am I digging my insides out to turn in quality grade papers to pass a decent A-level?

No. I think its coz the government has taught me well.

Well. They want pure bred. I can TRY to be one.

This is ugly. Still the baby is cute.

Guys feel uncomfortable with gays, appraise lesbians and wank off to girl-girl. Everybody knows that. Yet no authority accepts this.

Schools introduced all these controversial topics into GP. They teach us the supposedly "correct" stand on such issues. But its quite difficult to have a no attitude when you have them as friends. & seriously, having gay freinds are so much more beneficial than having male friends. When it comes to bitching, they win hands down. They clarify your doubts about make-up, even recommending tips. All these with none of the female comeptitive which exists amongst us.

You know what the institutions encourage about thinking-out-of-the-box, accepting the adnorms all the while maintaining an open mind to all? Its all just bullshit. Really. One of my gays got called up for counselling. Siao. Stupid school. What's the big deal with him being homo? HE's still a normal being. Geez.

Better not go on. I dun wan to have a man in blue to show up at my doorstep, only to be never seen by the world ever again.

& Kitty, I still dun like u.

Another date with the uniform man. Uber Uber~

Just that today's our 8th month anniversary as well.

I've got the first PreciousMoments figurine! Its this music twining snowball. He hoped it help me sleep. Aw......He just this considerate. Aiya enough of stupid mushy stuff. He was late coz of the gift lor. & he didnt recongnise me coz I wore different style of clothes. It took me awhile to forgive him.

Actually, I still am glad about having him.

He has tolerated my mood swings, my tantrums, my rudeness and my craziness. He only remembers the times I made him happy.

I dont wonder why I'm still very much in love with him.

Happy 8th month Dear.

I think funny things at this time of the day. I speak funny words at this time of the night. Most importantly, I remember stupid moments in school. Like candid shots I took in my head. Like WenQi Funniest Brain videos.

It so happened MsKon's GP lecture cme to mind. We were on this topic about the globe turning McWorld, how its invading our values, our lives, our societies. Seriously, I care shit about it. Now that's a very contradicting comment seeing as I'm in JC. But seriousl, who ever gives a thought to living American or Singaporean? We live by the individual definition of life.

Anyway this thing about Kon. She hates the word bling bling. Came up with "screwy". Spewed "pissed". So what's her beef with "bling"? In a way, its dumb. To come up with addition words. Its bad enough learning all these huge vocabs. I really dont see the need for new words. The existing vocab is enough for me. Period. Enough.

Now that we're on the topic of words, let's go to the way we perceive people based on how they talk, act or look. Recently my cousin joined NewFace. She emerged the Top20. & the competition's rigged. like WTF then why host a show? Why blow up hopes? Its dumb I tell you. She isn't disappointed coz she's a model and a singer to boot. Her exposure to media's pretty...well...not normal...But her interview with NewPaper sucks. Bleah....anyway all these ho-ha about it? Its just crap. At the end of the day, some bloody angmoh will bring home that tittle of MsBeautiful. As if only blue eyes, ash brown hair and red red cheeks are essentials of a beauty. Pui!

That coming from Dinosuar....hm....well...when you dont come from my side, you wont know what I feel. You cant understand the feelings induced when I stomped around town in my buffalo size. Or the boobies affecting my run. Or the butterfly wings courtsey of Fats. Fats. Fats. The Fats of Singapore's on my body. Fats. Argh!

Its the beginning of the accelerated pace. Also the nearing of end. Come to think of it, we've spend 12years studying and that's not including the nursery and kindergarten years. I detested taking the JC route initially. When I've finally settled in, its not so bad after all. Coz I made the girlfriends part of my life!

Like Huiting a.k.a. Kitty! She loves HelloKitty. Know the story of HelloKitty? I know lei! Ask me lei! I tell her very often. whahaha she's pretty sick of me I think. Not to mention the idiotic ideas I get. In school, the cirriculum's quite boring. It set the both of us on. She says the wierdest but appropriate stuff. She always sms to god-knows-where then become angry at me for not replying! Not my fault! Go and ask StarHub!

She talks the loudest, makes us laugh the most and most importantly, the only gf I chase a bus with. The things she made me do! But she's also the only one who eat junk with me then told me how its fattening. *Pengz* I still like her though....loudness, laughter, running and all! No la. I lub her!

Then there's Joce! That girl isn't the normal girl. She's a bird! The food she consumes is....peck...peck peck peck...then dats all for the rest of the day! How that girl survives! She even has the ability to store buffet food for 3 days! As if being a bird isn't enough, she has to be a camel as well. I dun like to eat with her! But I think its really funny how we got together. Now that we do, I'm really glad I know her!

& OngHuiLing! The girl who made me eat fast food for the whole day!! Lolz she's the only one who gives free rein to food, goes ga-ga over squash and the only one who's enthu about studies! Well...maybe not THAT enthu la...she likes to bluff me that she'll time herself. Barely 15mins into the timed assignment, she'll tell me she wants to rest for a while. Lolz Obsessed over food. She wasn't like that in sec. My mom saw her pic & "wah! her face so chubby now!"Oh...she loves bao as well! The ultimate TummyMachine!

& YunYun who always takes care of us! She maybe the same age but she's much much more mature...Like DaJie kind. She'll worry about us, then chide us abit here and there. & her blur attitude caused so much laughter. Not to mention, she mothers us very well. She's the girl who'll sms us good luck before exams, cheer us up when we're sad. The kind friendly girl my mom likes. This girl.....I lub her...

Edwinnie as well! People may laugh at u my dear, but we don't care. Just dont be overt okies? Dont come to skool with panda eyes and cake face le...A-levels isnt about being pretty on the exams date...the marker cant see your beautifully blended tanned foundation dear. They look at your essays....it wont help to have freckles of your foundation on the paper... & plz dont go after the guys anymore. Wait for the prize to look for you!

These friends whom I spent my Jc life with. These girls whom I hang out with. Took many pictures, even a few videos...I wont forget HuiTing singing me Birthday song! Or Joce telling me she's turning camel...or HuiLing asking me if I'm hungry after we had our nasi lemak breakfast...or Edwin smsing me to ask me to call him...These people are unforgettable...

I'm glad to know that HuiTing likes me sometimes. Wahahha....sometimes...I guess a person cant possibly like you all the time. Unless he's your boyfriend and thinks all your quirks are cute. Ew....

Anyway ChuaHuiTing, I'm always amazed at the things we have in common. Well not that many but still....The crazy ones, the past, the food, the drink, the exercise, the diet plans. Nothing works. Wahaha we just like to make plans then don't follow through. Now even sleeping problems. But I guess I'm not as bad as you...Like HuiLing said, don't take too much of it. Just tell your boyfriend to talk to you till you sleep? I'm sure he'll do it.

Speaking of friends, its funny how we got together actually. I knew HuiTing through XiaoXia, YunYun through HuiTing. Then the girls know HuiLing through me and Edwinnie was via chinese class. Then later on was The rest know Joce through Ting&I and we know Brandon through Joce. Now its Cluadine and Bernitta through HuiLing and Charlotte through Edwin. The network of friends is.....wow....Well not that wow actually...I like the fact that we are close, that we know each other personally. Its a pity we are graduating.

We can look for jobs together. But it wont be the same. Being students, we are after all more carefree. Free and easy. Or at least ChuaHuiTing & I are. seeing as we attend the lessons we like. But we do attend school. After this, who knows where we'll end up? I just wish we'll stay in touch and hang out together. Meet every night for dinner, clubbing and gonk out. Like HuiTing said "Lets shake off our fats together".

That's if we get on the dancefloors.

Life's just bleak. It's just nothing when you think of it. You come into the world with nothing, grow up wanting everything, only to die with nothing. Its fucking bleak. Look at what you have. What are you judged on? Besides the usual car, brands, house, family, business? I'm just nothing without Da Family.

I admire people who dont look for much in life, who desire little, gets nothing and simply survive on pure principles. There's never a stage in my life when I desire nothing. XiaoMei's getting married but she doesnt want any ring. She doesnt even want a banquet. I'll positively die if I get married without one. See what I mean?

Just like precious stones will never be the same as diamonds, I want a branded life out of extraordinary measures. But such a life doesnt get me anywhere. I'll just be a manniquien clothed and fed. I'll be the stranger walking in the streets. I'm just the ordinary with a cert to show-off and an accent to boot. I'm nothing.

I'm nothing.

Another anniversary approaching & I've yet to do anything about it. Its like I sewn the doll & made the card & I felt that's it. I kept coming up with excuses like I'm busy for As lei or something along that line. But its not true. I dont really dig into my studies THAT much...

8 months passed just like that....Its amazing how time whirls off. I didnt even spend that much time with him. Its difficult to meet him even when he wasn't off to NS. Its even worse now coz its weekends that he's free. The time when Da Parents love to send me everywhere. While its a good thing that Da Daddy doesn't like em taking public transport that much, it proves to be quite a problem sometimes coz Da Boyfriend drives as well. Like I said before, our dates always consist of him speeding me off to the place where Da Parents picks me.

However I still do meet him on an almost weekly basis....Excuse: study! They love to hear such stuff. I don't know...At least I get to see him. After 8months, its quite difficult to not see each other for long periods. Initially we arranged to meet once amonth when As approaches. But we dont last more than two weeks usually. Wahahaha aw......I do love him.

Edwin always aks me what I see in him. Its not the tangible that keeps me in love my dear. Its the little things. That fact that we click. The chemistry we share. The endless talks. The countless sms. the wonders of technology. Him tolerating me. Me opening him up, litherally as well as figuratively. Its all these little things which adds up to this bond we share.

The most important thing about us is the endless talks. There's alot of things to talk about. But there's also nothing to talk about. Previously, all those failed relationships doesnt involve me talking much. Its to the bed most of the time. Even before getting together, we talk alot. When I mean alot, its really alot....Like first thing every morning, last thing every night. Then a few sprinkle of short conversations during the day as well. That's how much WE talk. Up till now, its still the same.

One thing irritating though. He assumes I'm upset whenever I dont talk. I mean !?!?! my mouth cant keep talking, it will get dry what!!

Oh, besides talking, we do alot of goofing around, eating everywhere and catching all the latets movies. Okies, I do the goofing, he supplies the food and we watch the movies together. Well....we do the horizontal exercises occasionally as well....Butits not wrong...its nice...

There's alot of reasons why Jeremy & I work. I cant possibly tell all. Just that it feels nice to have him drive me around, bring me for shows, take me to restaurants, cuddle me anywhere, hold my hand when he drives, hug me from behind, holds my hand when we go shopping, hug me when I'm sad, actually just hold my hand and hug me, thrash my mom when she made me cry, makes fun of my silliness, laugh at all my fooling, sms me every morning, call me every night, fret over my studies, worry about my health, get anxious all about me, etc etc. & the fact that he treasures this so much to cry when I was cruel, now he's one to keep. Like I said, he's a man but he cares. That's enough for me.

"Can I keep you forever?"

Now I know what he means. I'm going to keep him forever.

Edwin, maybe you should just learn from me. You'll hit the jackpot at least once. Just like me.

I wasn't even rude. I didnt even appear curt. She just blew up at me. Just like the victims of Bali bombings, I suffered burns on my emotions. Even SGH ICU cant salvage the situation. What the fuck is wrong with her?

Sometimes I wish she'll do good on her threat and throw me once and for all.

Actually normally I wouldnt have taken notice. Thunder is everyday business in this place. But it affected me today coz I know I did nothing to deserve it. Whats so great about that creature with that stupid bit dnagling between his legs? He's a good for nothing shit. A fucked up scum.

At least the day wasn't spoilt. I saw him. We were lying on the mattress in my room. Everything came out. It stopped there. Coz its replaying in my mind.

He reminds me why I love him every now and then.

Ripped off from Kitty's blog. After hanging up, her plight seems to reflect mine. Just that she's in a more terrible state. But at least she has a shelter. Where will I go when I leave thsi home?

Her sister never seems to learn the menaing of family. Come to think of it, does my dargonlady think of it? Are we merely their pets whom they strive to bound for life? I never know my part in this family? The decorative background or the show-off instrument?

Is Ting just a sister? Or a companion when loneliness strikes? Oh I don't know how these people think. Only that it upsets me.

She deosn't have a proper family. I have a dysfunctional family. If anything good comes out of this, its her finding someone to lean on. For once I'm not as worried about her. Coz she's in good hands. Not to mention she's much better.

Hey Kitty! She'll never have a family. We'll have ours! Anyway I'll want to work myself to death after As. Never to look back at this life again. We can do it together. Look beside you! You have somebody to rely on.

Actually now that I've come to think of it, the parallel between us...is...that is another analysis. Another day.

& I just realised I hate the girl in the picture. she's one example of stick insects walking the Earth. I'm still the dinosuar.

P.S. Yun commented that she expected a sombre black blog...Not a colourful hippie flowery kind. Is black what comes to mind when you think of me?

An idiot's ranting again. Just the other day huiting was telling me about keeping quiet while those crazy ones rant and rave. Its really effective. Coz the dargonlady is those aggressive type. She expects retorts. She relishes the replies. Coz she'll have even more reason to keep you in your place. The more I shut up, the more she'll get worked up.

Well, now that I've changed. Wahahha she's loudly mumbling now. I've managed to keep quiet. & she's getting louder coz its as if she's talking to a wall. She never has that from my bro. Or even my dad. We used to have screaming matches. & when vocal chords cant express the extremity, fists are raised. Now that I've shut up, she's getting crazier.

While it does give me a upper hand in things when I shut up, there's just this monster seething inside me. & when I do let it out, its aimed at an innocent. Most cases, its sucks. But I really do want her to get fucked up. Get all worked up. To explode and leave me alone.

The ironic thing is, she was lamenting why so many youngsters are leaving home or committing suicide. With people like her around, I don't doubt the statistcs of death. Like what the experts say, its not the diseases taking the lives of Singaporeans. Its the environment killing us. From an emotionally level first then move on to the physical body.

That thing is a product of Gen X. She turned out this way. IS there any link between it and her? Yes there is. Its the ideals and principles she grew up on which makes her the way she is. Her principles are funny but it comes from GenX no doubt. I'm sure dragonlady isnt the only one who's like that. She'll always be the control freak. That's why when she proclaims that she'll free me after the As, I feel like laughing.

I'm not the only one sniggering at her. Sad it maybe but she made herself out to be a pathetic victim. After all these years of dictationship, she can let go easily meh? Pui! Rubbish. But I'm not worried coz I'll be looking for a full day job. Business can be put on hold or I stay at the shop for the whole day. Just like what HuiTing plans, we'll work all day, then meet up for drinks and club at the end of the day. Shake off the fats ya know? Like shake off on da dancefloor kind of thing? Yea...when I'm drunk as hell that is...

That'll be life! Less meeting less friction. Maybe its high time I get an apartment or room of my own. Moving out will help in this unbalanced relationship I believe. From the day I stumbled into teens, we've hit an rocky patch. I know she's jealous. That I am given a chance at education, that my dad always places us kids above her, that I can wear the young clothes which would look funny on her. Maybe that's why her stupid bimbotic giggle irritates the shit out of me. Esp when salesperson says "WAH you very young hor! I tot this one your sista lei! So big le wor!"

Bullshit lor!!! Pui! Pui! Pui! I look damn young la! I wear uniform! Sister your head!! Pui! My dad's in the specs trade lei auntie. Get one. His brand is Puccini btw. Just the other day we went to the Gardens shop to look at the new stocks. I wanted this skirt but she insists it'll look horrible on me. I persisted and tried it on. It looks nice okies? Its very very nice lor! So she asked me to take off coz she wants to try. It looks horrible on her!! Wahahaha.

Anyway this entry is to let out the anger in me. It'll come across as a fucking brat who's unfilial. But really when you've met my mom, all thoughts of filial piety is just redundant. Trust me!

& I noticed my language's getting more AhLian. It must be due to the stupid Xiao AhLian talking on the phone in the bus. Damn!

In primary school, I used to fill in pretty notebooks. Things such as my details, address and hobbies. I dont know when the craze started but I remembered the rapid exchange of such books. There's just so many changes in my primary classes that such practise is rampant every year end.

While filling these pretty books, I enjoyed flipping through previous entries and simply read. Its fancinating for me to see a creatively written page, instead of the usual "name, add,bdae" thing. Everybody was just trying so hard to be the cool one, the one whom people will look for after the change. They want to be remembered. So I wrote outrageous things.I want to be remembered too....but those must have made them remember me only too well...maybe that's why they don't ever contact me.....sigh...

Which makes me wonder, is it coz I'm wierd that's why the kids lay off me? I dont conform so leave me alone? I don't know. I only remember Pri2 & 4 days are the best I got out of my school. Even the bloody Em1 stream ensured me nothing. I only have myself to blame actually.

& it so happened that I saw this primary days girl today. I never did like her. The feeling's mutual. She was walking with this ugly guy who's obviously her bf. I can't help but think "Ha! & that's the kind of guy you get? at least mine's a sergerant lei". So much for the pri beauty queen. Pui!

& He remarked there's alot of me to think about.

What comes to your mind when you think of me? Sms me to tell me lei....

Cosmo Canada ran an article about bettering females in order to hold onto a guy. I went round places looking for this issue. Only to be utterly disappointed in terms of content. It just a bunch of ladies offering their advice. While its commendable they share but how many actually applies and work? I scanned through the pages and felt like scorning my sex for believing shit. I glad I'm sensible.

& I really strive to be the better girlfriend but there'll always be someone better passing by. Is there any point in bettering yourself for a person whom you're unsure about the future? Most women in the mag are in short relationships. What makes them dish out these random advice? I wont coz I can't. I play the mind games, enjoy the hide-and-seek all the while expecting uptmost patience. Try as I want, I can't be the all giving no bars withhold gf. That makes me a terrible gf?

Oh I don't know. Been harping on weight & diet. Well when you've seen a perfect girl, I do mean PERFECT, you'll just be so down. I felt like an oil tank now.Anyway I kept to da eat-the-right-food kinda thing. I ate papaya for snack lei.

Ooohh & there's the muscle relaxant pills. Initially I requested for sleeping pills. But the doctor recommended I take these instead. According to the profession medical field, sleeping pills at times work too well. I don't want my system to rely on chemicals to opearte. Therefore I conceded to muscle relaxant pills. I'll report on the results okies?

Straits time ran an article about women never being satisfied with their own bodies. The author isn't those stick insects you see on mag covers. She's a real woman who has issues with conforming to ideals. She's been through the phases of inflating and deflating within a short period of time. But it didn't work. Coz she'll never be the kind of skinny girls Singapore seem to breed. Just like me.

I believe this problem doesn't reside in only female counterparts. It exists among the men as well. Just that it's the opposite of us. They always feel this innate desire to appear bigger (not fat hor) than the average Joe. Once again, our sunny little island seems to specialize in rearing slim guys. When I say slim, it isn't complimentary at all. What's a skinny guy to do when you need someone to carry you to doctor's/from couch to room/marriage room? Hire a crane or a bodybuilder? Or roll you to the destined spot?

Who set the ruler of beauty? Big=manly, thin=beautiful? Who came up with the saying that Asians are tiny? It's only the Japs. Look at the contemporary art pieces of Indonesia! Its full of round hip women with a substantial body to anchor themselves on Earth. Why then do Singapore girls look like a blowup of dwarfs? Just pop by FarEast & take a look at the clothes they stock you'll see what I mean. Those kiddy-looking outfits are for the malnutrition! I feel an alien walking down Orchard streets full of these midgets.

How on earth do they manage to be sticks!? Why do their skirts look like it's just a strip of cloth? Why is that they fit into XS clothing & still remain breathing? (Which reminds me of Corpse Bride's Victoria, Her mom "tighten that corset dear, I can hear you speak without gasping") Do they even eat? It's all just skin & bones ain't it? Is it coz Singapore's small therefore the tiny reflection on people? Well you know what they say about humans reflecting physical settings... Hong Kong seems to be caught in the same situation...what is it with us Asians cramming into limited spaces anyway?

I'll never be the XS or even S girl. I'll take a M & jump for joy. When puberty hit me prematurely at Pri3, I got it really bad. My chest ballooned from a nothing to melons! Kids are never kind creatures to begin with. My classmates certainly never did sympathize with me. I doubt if a "oh poor thing" ever cross their minds. I vividly remember me trying to wiggle out PE lessons. Frankly the PE shirt isn't made for those with boobs. Just lift your arms and woooaaa...boobie flash! The boys started the "tau nei bu" label. The girls never did joined in but they snigger. Soon after I realized its just jealousy. They remained flat for the rest of Pri days. Even they did grow, there's no significant improvement. Wahahahah!!!!

Another incident, which I'll never forget, is a medical checkup nurses like to do in Pri schools. Why Pri?? Anyway we were having a routine backbone check. The nurse commented about my slightly crooked bone. Apparently my boob is proving to be too much of a burden. Then she proceeded to assess my shoulders. Since I took swimming trainings, I'm not surprised about the broadness. She just stared & hesitantly said "your bones...strong hor..." I take it that she means it's big. I felt like a dinosaur treading on human grounds.

From then on, I tried slouching to hide them. I attempted to bind them. I even slept on my front in an attempt to stop its growth. I got over it though. Nowadays I may not be ashamed of them. But I just smile that oh-stretch-that-lips-just-a-little smile and get over it. People won't understand the backaches you have, the frustration you experience when no bra fits you and the sheer leers you get from stupid dirty old men.

Funnily enough, there are girls who'll trade anything to be in my shoes. & I'll gladly exchange my big frame for those stick insect figures. Humans...weird creatures...

First meeting after he went for the sergarant(I don't know its spelt) thing! I may not know how to spell it but its a very tough segment of army okies! That makes him an officer!! The girls keep telling me there'll be Meimeis out there waiting. Considering the fact that the higher orders actually hand out condoms for overseas training, I don't look light in that fact.

Anyway I was quite irritated prior to the meeting. Not becoz he did anything irritatable. But I was on a crowded train with bloody fucker right behind me. Initially on the NEL line he was already behaving funny. Accidentally brushed against somebody's boobs. For god's sake! The train wasn't THAT pack then. Later on he took the same train down to orchard as well. This time round he stood directly behind me. & he had the fucking guts to squeeze my ass! I couldn't really do much coz the train was so cram. He could cook up any excuse. Such people know exactly this therefore the nerve! From what sexual deprived planet do they come from??

But then I saw him! & it was okies I guess. I mean it's just a squeeze. Just need to be careful next time. We dressed formal today coz I want to be nice for once & we both were! Too bad we ddint take pictures of our granduer. There's this new book shop opp Ashley's(his shampoo is da best. you get strawberry hair there). Remember Harry Potter's Chamber of Secrets? Tom Riddle's diary was sold there! Leather bound & all! The price: $85. !!@#$$ When I work then I get it.

Was just browsing for his shoes when "what time is it" began. The surprise began! Turned out we had a movie date with Grand for CorpseBride. The show's pretty interesting. Ironies & all. The poor couple was the same height while the rich fellows has the wife towering over the husband sort of thing. & there's this part whereby the carriage driver fell off the carriage dead while the lady simply cursed him for coughing loudly && not driving properly. Tim Burton's way of asking us to reflect on how we treat others I guess. Then he coloured the dead while the living is just black&white. You'll only live after you die perhaps? If then I really cant wait for death. I'll be Emily. Btw the movie's a classic.

Emily: "My heart's stopped beating, yet I can feel it break. I thought my tears have dried, yet I've more to shed."

Pretty song.

Then he lied that we were going WestCoast Mac la! We ended up at Sentosa. It was all a frantic chase. Cable car was first. drove off the the wrong side & walked miles sweating like shit. Not very nice! Sweating when you're dressed up to the nines?? Pui! Wahaha then he placed me at the chinese restaurant to wait for him to pick me up.

"Must run back to your car hor! Dont leave me alone too long!"

& he really ran. Wahaha! Gave him his presents in the cable car. XinYi saw it before & commented that I'm too sweet that its sickening. It kept playing in my mind when I offered up the gifts. Glad that he likes it. Well the name's hideous but I sew it, so it means more right? (btw for those who's in the dark, I made a jap guardian hankie angel for him & sew his name specifically on it)

After the ride was dinner at Sharkey's. Initially I thought he arranged for the cable car or Cliff. While Sharkey's not on par with the former, its the thought that counts. The food's not fantastic. But company's important. I'll save for the Cliff next time ba.

Sneaked off home for awhile since they're out for once. Then took crazy pictures in the car. I'm very grateful to the surprise & I enjoyed it immersely. But after a spectacular date, its rather jerky to end it on a melancholy note. He was sending me down to Kembangan when he broke the silence(which isn't a very uncomfortable one)

"I may never have another serious girlfriend after we break up"

Is it my fault or is he jaded? I don't really know...I just hoped that if that's the case, I want him to get the best out of this relationship. It bores down to the chemistry & bond between us. I believe its just right now. But like he said, "what will happen when I attend Uni?" We won't know. But at least we know NOW. I very much rather we get stuck here. Like a broken record. Mundane yes. Routine & boring. But it's the right balance you see. I have him & he has me.

P.S. & Joce just told me Mas proposed so she's engaged now! Now that's worth popping the champagne! Only the girl told me she's going to be a camel for the next few days coz she ate alot today! Wa lua!! She already ate like a bird la! Camel now! I really feel like I should just cut off my flesh or something.