My dad always snigger at the idea of my mom being religious. She is. Just that he believes she's being silly. He said there's no point worshipping a stature of clay moulded into ferocious figures. He's always been scornful of anything magical, religious and miracle realms.

He does have his point. Do anybody know if these Gods have been for real? Are there truly Heaven & Hell for all? Do they hear our prayers & attempt to right us from wrong? Do they mete out appropriate punishments for evil doing? Are they the ones who decide our fates? Is there even fate then when you come to think of.

Personally, I think about God occasionally. Or rather Gods specifically. I've always been taken for christain. I don't know why. Coz I just have THIS face I guess. Don't ask me what face. Its just this face. But I've been to Buddhist temples and Taoist practises. My house has a Tao Pei Gong. I pray to Guang Ying Niang Niang when exams draw near. I put up offerings for Kong Zi when major acadamic periods arrive, eg. O-levels, A-levels.

(Incidentally, I just remember something Mr Wee said about progressing along the paper chase. He told us at the end of our education, our kindergarten cert will be the biggest of all. Cheapskate Unis. Pui!) Anyway back to the God thing.

I pray when I fan tai shui (its a chinese thing to offer prayers to this God when your zordic horoscope supposedly clash with him at the beginning of the year.) I turn up for every major Chinese festivals offerings to my grandparents. Every Qing Ming, Zhong Qui Jie, Duan Yuan Jie, Chinese New Year & a tang-yuan thing which Chinese do at the end of every lunar year. The 5 major festivals in short.

I like the smell of joss sticks, lighting the red candles and kneeling on cushions. I like the process of preparing a feast for festivals. I like pouring out the cups of rice wine and tea. But I don't like the shovings and pushings whenever these festivals roll round. For one, aunties are never polite creatures to begin with. I think they have this mentality of all-for-themselves. Kiasu siao Ah-So. They make me despise the auntie cohort & tire me when I wiggle a way in the leopard clothed crowd(I don't know what it is with them but it has to be leopard patterns on their clothes. Sheesh.)

But I've been in with Jesus too. I attended church camp. I sit in services. & when I have troubles, I consult Him. I pray to every God I can think of actually.But that's not the point!

The point is I like Gods! Most do! Its a mental deposit. We worry about the strange phenomenons. The idea of having protectors around to keep these away is comforting. In the olden days, people don't have much to rely on. We may have sci&tech to answer the strange now. But it's all forced theroies isn't it? There are some things which just can't be explained just by the Law of Newton or Periodic Table or anything scientific. Which is why religion is still rampant till this days. There will always be this scramble for reassurance in every sense. Gods provide precisely that. They appease our mental anguish. They operate in mysterious ways at times.( I say at times coz look @ that uncle of mine. He's enjoying bloody frigging live when he should be rotting in despair. Stupid bastard) They control our mental activities.

All this Santa Claus crap keeps me in reins becuase I want goodies. Gods work like this too. We refrain from wrong becoz we worry about going to Hell when we die. They serve a perfect purpose. They govern people more appropriately than governments(well Sg govt is dictatorian, no chnace of comparing).

You must be wondering where did all this crap of God comes from. It sprouted from a canteen discussion with the CLA mates. For some reason, we were exchanging horror stories. Those movies and personal sightings. XinYi started it. She went on about how she watched a show about paper dolls murdering people. frankly, it freaks me a little. After all I attended a wake just last night and meet these dolls. Not that I saw the dolls moving but they have this morbid smile. All paper dolls have. But last night's was especially pronounced. Their smiles I mean. *Shudders*

I told them about my dreams of being dead. So far, at last count, I've died quite a few spectacular deaths in my dreams. I found it quite cool actually. Not many people can boast of being dead and knowing the Netherlands. I can. Apparently, it's not a good sign. They suggest I make offerings. Know what my dream dream(the first dream is a descriptive) is? I want to dream of me being a paper doll. I'm afraid at the same time though. What is it that I did which offended these beings?

The most horrible death I suffered was a suicide jump. I dreamt of going to a mall with Jeremy. Its just like how we go about on a normal date. Except that that mall is also my hostel. Then my parents were hunting for evidence of me with him. We were running and hiding from all this when I appeared at the rooftop. In the dream Fann Wong jumped to death with me. Don't ask why her of all people. I dont know as well. I remember this dream so well becoz we were not dead when we landed. I was vomitting blood and experiencing spasms like a spastic chicken. I didnt feel pain but i witness my final moments from an-out-of-the-body view. I saw myself dying. Then I woke up and saw that its only 2.30am. What a loser dream.

Anyway, I told my mom about it. That's why I learnt of my dad's dreams.(refer to Supernatural entry) Now she's worried. She's always felt that this house's wierd in that sense. She'll get us the black beads. I don't know if it'll work. But I feel like going to a temple. It has the immediate effect which the beads wont accomplish. I'll feel clean maybe. But what temple to visit? So far the ones I know are for studying purposes. Never mind I shall find out. & go myself!

P.S. I finished a whole stick of strawberry chocolates while doing this entry. Considering the fact that it has 200 over little pieces in side, that's quite a feat for a 20mins entry.Bloody shit! So much for a diet! Frigging hell! & I ate that Merci chocs and Pooh choc sticks just that day. Where is all this choc coming from? No wonder the cough's getting irritating.