I believe smoking is addictive to selected individuals. You can choose to get on it to become addicted to it. Or you can choose to have a puff or two only when its absolutely necessary. I didnt let myself go. I only let myself have a luxury of a puff once in a while.

I guess that's the only thing I need to come clean about right now. I sneak a smoke or two once in a while. I broke it off for years. It felt like centuries. I got on without it for more than 4years now. & suddenly it's back. argh! Ciggies! I'm going crazy.

Anyway I was lying on my bed early morning when the idea of being amoral come up to me. Remember I said I am still very much a traditional chinese girl? I've decided that actually I'm not that much of a traditional epitome. I believe in all things supernatural about the chinese and the morals they price above others. But when it comes to certain issues such as sleeping around, I can discard such conservative views.

I'm not saying I can actually sleep around. Like I said I can never sleep with a different guy every night. I am a one-man woman policy. It's just not in me to go round knowing more sex partners. It's a form of cheating. But at times, being amoral helps too. Like when you can see no dustbin & its disgusting to keep holding onto the tissue filled with muscus. You can simply throw this filth on the ground and walk away without any conscious attack. That's bliss.

Amoral is better than immoral in the sense that immoral is when you know its wrong but you insist on doing it anyway. What decides in which category do one belong to? This hypocrite of a scoiety? Who states the norm and the absurb then? Who decided that women are the weaker sex? Who justified that skinny is better than obese? Just who?

& the urge for a ciggie has just kicked in again. He's bringing me for a little walk. I hope the air clears the urge.