There's a road name. It looks innocent. But you pronounce it. It sounds obscene. & there's a hotel right by that street. Talk about irony!
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Anyway I was talking to Nat just the other day. & she showed me an excerpt of May's blog. People say Poly friends are for lunch & chit chat. In Nat's case, it's true. Her "friends" can actually not detach her disappearance! She was directly behind them for hours! Where do such girls come about? & they get no funyn bones! Nope! absolutely no! Bitches. I'll die with such people around.

Nat! Fret not! We're gonna save you soon! Hang in there till sep!
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Wonderful date! It didn't comprise much. Simply a Hamilton & Beach road. For once we can eat all we can! & it was after I made the declaration to be a barbie doll. So much for being pretty. It's all down the drain! Yup! At least I get him in the bargain I guess.
Him! & my Elmo story. Him!

Next week. a recollection.

Singapore: secular, meritocratic, efficient, Garden City, platform for entrance into Asia market.

I'd dare say Singapore should be proud of that. Considering the fact that we were but a little slump just four generations ago. But(!), it can be

tyrannical, conservative, prejudiced, elitism prospering, narrow-minded island.

In other words, we are a boring city. Defending yourself just b'coz you're different is tough work here. Made a big fuss out of minute happenings. I know I can never be a part of my normal family if ever I confessed I'm no longer a virgin. Conservative yet typical. Truly Uniquely Singapore. I didn't choose my path. But it doesn't mean I'll be accepted. I'll be seen as scum should the people ever know. Not b'coz of what I went through. But b'coz I'm no longer a virgin.

The Big V. It's common belief a girl's pure only if she's a virgin. Sterotype. In the present age, I think it's alright if a girl beds any guy she wants, as long as she knows what she's doing. But society doesn't seem to think so. Double standard still exist in our "meritocratic & secular" society. Look at the labels for instance.

Female who sleeps around: Slut.
Male who sleeps around: Stud.

Female who sells sexual pleasure: Prostitute
Male :Gigolo

Woman who promotes flesh trade: Mamasan
Male: Pimp

Compare the above, you'll see the labelling of female tenfolds more vicious. Men gets all the credit when women's the stronger one around. That's warped. That's insanity.

Its the way the global's working. At the rate we are regressing, i wont mind dying of Alien Invasion.
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He just told me he could book out early if his company moves fast though. But in every clique/company/group/mass, there's bound to include slowpokes who slow every process down. I hope the slowpokes read this. Then maybe their "heavy" hands/asses/heads/bodies can move faster.
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Baby just grabbed my hand and licked like a lollipop. I must be sweet.

baby i love you & i'll never let you go.
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It's a nice song. Really. Not suitable for those who just fall out love though. Sugar knows. What sweet words but does it mean anything when spoken for real though?

Technically, it should. Coz after all, you simply have to look at him & your heart skip a beat & all those nonsense. Its nonsense coz i know I've never experienced such emotions. Okies maybe when I was still an idiotis giggling teenager, I do. (it was my first crush in any case). But nothing close to it happened after that one-off incident(tragic if anything for the crush ended prematurely) Yet I do know I'm not missing out on any aspect of Love.

It's a big word. Which has been blown out of proportion. It's a bond bridged between two persons. So why all this hype about polygamy? The reason for supporting monogamy I suspect is due to the Jealous Bones in everyone of us. Should one say he/she doesn't experience jealousy, that creature is lying or living in self denial. A sad thing really. For he/she will only ever look at the world as a 2D programme.

Love can be dynamic. It can be devastating. Depending on the situation. But it sure is embarrassing to have couples sugar-sweeting in lifts, cooing "sugarbunny" in baby tones. It's not expressing love for goodness sake! It's desperation My Lovey Dumbasses. Just hold hands & its a good enough statement.

I'm against PDA b'coz I've never been one for it. Even in private, getting "sweetheart" out of me is causing me heart attack. I can't imagine wrapping my arms around him, looking like an idiot adoring a human. It's sickening how people have evolved the expressions of Love. It's a sick world we have out there. The ToxicBoy must have left quite a huge hole in the OzoneLayer for our brains to be damaged like that. *shudders*

Definition : Tall, Slim, Proportional, Beautiful, Hordes of Males falling over, Getting everything desired without spending anything.

I aspire to be a Barbie Doll. That is I ever make it. To spite those who've snubbed me before. To retaliate against Conventional Beauty. I'm not blonde. Neither am I dumb(perhaps at times). I do have FunnyBones in me. I can do most chores without falling. I will never be able to compete for Ms Singapore.

I shall be an Asian Doll/Gothic Doll/Fugly Doll. As long as I'm a doll. But what girl doesn't wish to be a Beauty Epitome. So while I'm building castles in the air, Let me be a Blue-eyed Blonde.

Maybe I can opt for Plastic surgery. I'll be a Barbie through & through. I'll be plastic just like her. But it'll be major operation Judging from the looks of it. Perhaps I could do Thai Boxing to satisfy the required Funds.

Its funny how people hold grudges which are practically non-existence. It's all in their minds. Everybody's insane to an extent. One's bound to suffer bouts of irrational thoughts. Men. Always the creature of superiority. Always advancing. Or so we believe. We are regressing if more than anything. We've thrown the instincts to create cold metal. We've taken over the role of God. Will we ever be the same? Not ever again, I expect.

It's supposed to the end of the world come Millenium. I'm still taking a space on Earth. It's going to come though. We havn't got much to rely on anymore. Time is drawing near. I don't mind leaving sanity. I've come to accept mine. I've yet to accept a Bloody Bitch's. I never liked her. & I never ever will. She calls herself fucking Tanti. A bloody bitch she is. Fancy her being the mole. She doesn't turn up for school coz of her "family problems". Wealthy-has-been kid My Ass! Her daddy's just a scrawny old postman. I used to dislike her for her absurb mentality in class(ask me! i'll gladly tell) Now i have outright reason to hate her.

A sneaky blow it was. Coward suits the holes she hides in. She knows ostracisation before. She shall know cold darkness from now on. I bear grudges. Against sneaks like her.

Darn. I'm a woman.

Speaks volume.

to be missing him.

Would you do a ritual just to find out who your future husband/wife is?

To carry out this experiment, you need candles, a full length mirror, apple, small knife and new red lingerie for ladies. At 12am sharp, light the candle & start peeling apple with knife. Don't break the twirling pattern of the peeling of skin of apple. Carry out all this in front of the mirror. Ladies, you have to clean yourself thoroughoutly & put on the set of red lingerie. Look into the mirror at times. You'll see a figure forming.

Its eeire. But if you choose to carry this out, from the point you start peeling the apple there's no turning back. A lady was shcoked to see an ugly vision as her husband and threw the apple away. When she married her husband, he has a long scar on his face. He met with an accident the day she threw the apple away.

Creepy. Yet intriguing. Anyone interested?

There are times when I'll swear to work to earn my grades. But when it comes to actual work, procastinate is the common practise. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Millions do too. It's just that I'm having my As in 105days time and I'm not working my butt off. My parents are worried. My tutors are worried. I'm worried. But I'm still not working. Must be the brains.

The beginning of the actual separation & I'm feeling the effects. Dag.

Is scary. Esp when you have a neurotic mama and a yaya daddy. One adds on to the negative comments about you whilst the other agrees with everything the teacher says. Thank God I had the sense to wriggle my way out of it. It would have been the ultimate showdown if they were to attend. For some reason, DragonLady's extremely enthu about such stuff. To her, words against us are always much more trustworthy.

Btw her oh-i'm-dying sickening attitude is back. For no bloody reason she wept in school?! I don't know what to say but she really is an embarrassment. In no matter what situation. Was raving like a madwoman. Crazy bitch. I wonder if there's any sense of shame in her. Apparantly not.

_mysteries_
Always happen when you least need it. Concern in the wierdest form always extended when you least anticipate it. But it doesn't mean I don't apprecaite it. Just the fact that its hot and cold makes me all the more aware of the concern when it is shown. Wierd world.

A-levels drawing up and still my lazybones are not working.

When you thought you were in the right and hold onto your pride, the aggravator did something out of expectation and throw you off the balance. Like waiting for a no one at the void deck and not saying anything about the empty wait. Like leaving a lovely bomb in your mailbox and keeping quiet about it. & all the while I was pissed at the world for being the way it is.

She has pms. And was such an embarrassment. I just wish I could dig a hole and die down there.

I thought I had alot to put up. Yet when I'm facing the screen, nothing comes to mind. Just like I thought I had an amazing life, Yet when I need someone nothing is there.

Just read Lois's blog and I found that it's so sad that we've drifted apart so much. One question simply kept coming up when I was reading her entries: Has she got any friends in her new school? She didn't mention anyone at all. Just herself. Her subjects seems very interesting though. Hope she enjoys herself.

Ting told me about her discussiong with Joce the other day when I wasn't in school. They were discussing what sort of weddings they would want. Joce wants one in a church with a huge Precious Moments figurine and migrate to Aus for a strawberry farm. Coz she knows Narrow-minded Singapore will never be able to accept her marriage. Ting wants a grand one but she'll probably have to save for a long time. I guess she and yang will. They are by the far the most stable couple around. I want a garden wedding with grass carpets and white roses lining the whole arena. Open air. Maybe vows and some stuff. I want a traditional chinese wedding during the day too.

But one thing all of us agree is to invite each other to each wedding. Maybe not be bridesmaid but at least to be present. Still remember Jie says to buy a garter belt for the first bride and pass it on to the rest. The last to marry keeps it. Something like the Desperate Housewives? That'll be interesting.

_scandal_
NKF scandal splashed everywhere on papers. It's disgusting. These people. Luckily I'm smart and didn't donate. The money isn't helping much. Those who really need it doesn't get it. Instead it's used to feed the luxurious lifestyles of these individuals. Imagine getting a year's bonus pay! That's crazy! Even a normal worker get 9mths bonus!

But then they can't be blamed too. They didn't ask to draw such pay. The Government set it. The director's simply a pawn in the game of corruption. Now he has to resign coz the Government says so. They're so high up and mighty they've become untouchables. The reporters are gonna get the slash though. Public gets to know the truth and these people have to be sacrificed. Royalty Lee is not going to let the reporters enjoy life. Bless them first.

_bro_
Saw him leaving school with a girl. Hoped he would run to catch the bus. He didn't. Thought he'll simply wait for the next bus. Surprise surprise! Saw him alight from another bus at Pasir Ris. He was sending his gf home. After so long finally saw her in person. Not a raving beauty whom he always perfer. But a sweet girl nonetheless. Like sister like brother.

_dragonlady_
She's so irritating. She thinks Jc is the same as Primary School. Getting high scores is easy. Crazy. Haiz... I feel such a failure.

I'm always so tired. Breathless.

Just read "The Melancholy Death of the Oyster Boy & other short stories". After looking at it for so long, I finally get it online! It may not be the full book but at least I get to read some stories. Popular doesn't carry this book though. Only Kino, probably that's why the price is so high. Anyway I can save to buy the collector's hard cover!

Cartoons are kiddie but his has depth. His stories are metaphors. It's amazing the things he comes up with. It's juz so damn intriguing. I'm gonna get the book!

I have nth left to say. To think that I can achieve a fairytale. A joke on me it seems. You had your laugh and I, my Pride. Just leave me alone from now on.

It's raining soon
The clouds gather and storm the skies.
My heart has already lost its way.
Take me somewhere emotions don't exist.

It was just a normal day yesterday. Simply went over to the aunt's place. Had durians and chit chat. And the 4of us moved on to the room to watch Dawn of the Dead as well as House Of Wax. Watched it once in cinema. But the feeling's differnt when you can actually snuggle in a bed under a blanket. And we finished the day with a buffet supper. At Quality Hotel with Taiwan Eat-All-You-Can Porridge. And I slept!

All these crap about being a virgin isn't working. I know it didn't work on me. Neither did it wok on loads of others. So a girl's not a virgin and she's a slut whilst a guy is just having his fun? Singaporeans need screwing.

Sex has been the most popular sport around since the beginning of time. Look at the world population and you'll get the idea. Just 2 generations before us, they wre having kids from early teens up to late thirties. Where does these babies come from? Sex! So while grandma and grandpa engage in sex for such a long period, it's alright. But not us. What makes marriage so sacred that sex after it is granted as natural? It's just a paper cert with a bling bling on your finger if you're lucky. You get to live together and hate each other's disgusting lifestyles.

Co-habit is the exact same thing as marraige! Just that the paper's not present and the ring on your finger is simply scrap metal. Why can't people just accept that? What's wrong with them? To co-habit is to save troubles later on. Should the process turn out horrible secrets which one simply can't tolerate, then its spilts from there. Easy as 1-2-3. But when you discover the horrific differences after marriage, you either have to work it no matter what or you'll be tittle *gasp* Le Divorcee. That's scarier than co-habiting.

That's how stupid our society is. Either way you go, you'll be labelled. We operate on labelling and categorising everybody. You'll find your place in a compartment with a label for people of your kind. It's sick.

If I can't into uni? It may not be the end of the world, but its definitely the end for my parents. Perhaps my dad will accept it. He believes that my life's up to me to live the way I want. He would have granted me anything I want should my mom let him control us. I would have been a healthy kid with a childhood I choose. Instead of this struggling with life freak who's locked within a prison.

My mom would first freak out then blame everything on me. She may throw me out or cut me off from her life. But the most probable scenario is her coming to terms with it slowly and accept me again. I can heck about the rest of the relatives coz they don't mean much to me. But I'll be letting my parents down in terms of Asian values. Their status among the gossipers will be diminished. It'll set off a chain reaction. I'll cause everything pressure to fall on my bro.

I'm so tired. Just throw away this life and live one of my own. Run away for a few months maybe they'll appreciate me more. Just wish I had the freedom to. Holding out for 3more months, and I'll be free? Will I?

Did a little search on local interesting places. As in places to romance. And its so bloody limited that all have been populated by crowds. Go over so many websites and they list all the same things. Even Singapore's official website.

All these crap about Romancing Singapore and there's no interesting places to romance anyone! Except maybe Sentosa. Besides that, its all high ended stuff. No money no baby. It's pramatic. It's a capitalist society. Picnics and stuff.

All these for nothing.

I'm sexy and always ready to receive as well as give! Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate.You can appear to have a cold exterior or but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances.Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.

That's a personality test. Somehow. It's pretty accurate.

Tip on taking such tests and horoscopes : Believe everything nice. Forget all which are bad.

Did a lovecalculator.com test for me and him. And the results is 13% of workable chances between us. That's bullshit. That's crap. Coz people says we are compatible. Humph!

Had one just barely a day ago. Still so hooked on playing nookie. Life after bliss isn't nice at all. I get cold turkey. The withdrawal symptoms are presenting itself.And I just can't help indulging in it. You'll understand when you find that someone.

Wanted to surprise him by presenting myself in his house. Like starre la! But I'm too lousy I guess. He knew it even before I came out. But then(!) its only coz Jillian told him.Lolz he suspected a little evn before he reach home la. Okies la, you're smart alright? Surprise or no surprise doesn't matter. Coz we had our time. Surprise for me too! Bought me Elmo!

Elmo's sitting on e pretty bed now, nursing his injured hand(sat on it yesterday, So it's broken for now). He actually carried that big red thing to Plaza to meet me. Simply watched Initial D and bought his stuff and its home.

Time slips by when you least want it to, crawls off when you pray for it to speed up. It's a funny thing. Just wish I could have stayed out.

Still love him.

Him and only him. Is who I want to see. Miss him.

Ting doesn't seem to be good. She got sick and had to go for tests....hope she gets better. Her elder sis seems to be getting even more arrogant though. She is one perfect example why we should never trust appearances. Such a bloody stuck-up snob.

Anyway Germy'll be out in two days time! Finally get to see him after all these while! Hasn't been on a smooth path for quite some time....Almost came to a stop, when i want to throw everything out of the window. But I'll be fine for endangerin lives, so I didn't. Things are back on track.

Love doesn't give you any space for dignity.