Asian societies. Typical. Its essential. It's important. It's everything. I knew I was born on the wrong side of the continent since primary days. That's not me. I'm binding my time. To do something so shocking it'll wipe that smirk off my mom's face and make her shit her pants. To knock her off her majesty chair and let her crown fall off. I'll plan something so outrageous it'll stain the perfect family portrait she spend her last 20years painting. It'll break the surface so bad it'll show the irrepairable cracks beneath. I'm waiting for that day.

Sometimes I hate her so much. I can't stand the sight of her. She suffocates me simply by being in my room. I go crazy merely at a whisp of her voice. Yet when the storm blows off, I'm back to a balanced relationship with her. Love-hate relationship. It swings me back and forth. It corrupts my thoughts and erodes my values.

I have no mood to study. For so many factors. From tonnes of burden. Coz of streams of emtions. Just coz of that I'm the disgraceful daughter. The ungrateful sod. The ugly toad. I'll bet she'll be high in the clouds if I do get a 10million husband. Well, according to her, that will only happen if I get a cert. She'll fight to look after my kids next time. To get a bigger share of the amount I'll give over in future. That is if I do have the ability to give birth. That's a different story I don't wish to touch on. She's that and more.

She make me feel a failure. She make me feel that if I don't get into a uni, it's the end of life. She's not worried about my future. She explicitly told me its "coz your father's side will sniggle." So be it. It's not as if they are not doing it now. They can badmouth behind their sisters. They backstab my father. I don't see the point in being concern with their narrow minded comments. She cares. Coz it's all about face.

When I jumped the gun and scored an A average, I was giving her a platform to show-off. When she managed to get me agree to attend JC, I'm giving her another reason to showcase her family life. When my brother joined the "league of elites", we've given her a stage to perform. When my dad bought her the diamond ring, he has offered her a cover to "mourn her life loudly".

She talked loudly all the while flashing her diamond in the faces of my "father's side". I understand when she does that in front of her own sisters. They look down on her. I agree with her doing so. But to do it with my father's side? I think she's plain dumb.

So now I have to complete her props by getting into a university. We are just landing supporting roles. The leading lady has high demands. It's all about her face remember? So she can show off her perfect family life.
I bet Florence auntie forced her barely scraping son into JC coz she's irritated with my mom. I bet everybody's irritated with her.

Sometime, I wonder how long will it take her to kill me, before I kill myself.