In any case, soon after she got distracted. She was a beauty of her time(that's where i got my genes!). Her boss took notice of her. No men backs off without trying. He dated her. She swayed over to him. My dad threatened to kill her and her alleged lover or commit suicide. Wow....That coming from my mom, i doubt she wants to blacken the image of my dad unnecessarily. She was teaching me to choose my guys carefully. She regretted going with my dad. The boss is now the CEO of another company. She would have been Holland Drive taitai if she had not yield to my dad's childish tactics.

And to think I thought they were leaving a blissful, trubulent occasionally, happily ever after. She wasn't happy with this marriage. She was just bearing it. My dad's not interested in this marriage. He was just bearing it. Tolerance. They simply tolerate each other that's all. After 20 years of marriage to come to that stage, it is pathetic. I certainly do not wish to ever get stuck in such a marriage.

FamilyFront

Then there's my family. Family life is well and truly close on the surface. Just probe further and you'll find the cracks widening. One thing I can barely stand is the way my mom controls us. Even my dad. If she were ever to run for any disciplinary post, she'll win it hands down. She'll be the most hated Discipline Mistress of Singapore. No doubt about it.

She goes through our personal belongings, searches through all closets and cupboards, drags out all homework and counts all the savings of us. That's the very reason why I don't save. So what if I save? All that money will only go to her. To feed our education fund. All miscellaneous stuff goes through her. She does such checks randomly. I despise her for being such a freak. I despise her for not granting us any privacy.

Imagine an 18 year old having to report to her crazy mom everyday! No permission granted, I needn't consider going out. For heaven's sake! I feel so fucking idiotic. I resent her more and more. No freedom. She does pretty good lies too. Promise: I'll grant you anything if you go to JC. What shit! Anything? Fucking pathetic. Who on earth wants to go shop with her? Everything about her comes first. When the stuff don't fit her, she finds something to criticse about it. Especially those which fits me. What the fuck! She's always out to embarrass by the way. Regardless who that person is, she/he is bound to wish for a hole to jump into at a certain point. She's that irritating! How I wish a heavy lesson will land on her to teach her the meaning of life. To get a hold of herself. To realise the demeaning ways of her. Maybe the "tumour" shouldn't be benign. Maybe it should be life threatening. To suit her drama mama way! Since she claims she's dying ( just because of a stupid benign! 10mm teeny weeny bean in her womb).

Her way of reacting to people's comments of her slimming, "Oh! I'm dying! Please pity me! There's a tumour in my womb!" Please take note those are her exact words. It simply serves to irritate poeple instead of garnering the sympathy she was hoping to get. What the fuck! She's unbearable. She's crazy. To say I dislike her is too mild. Seriously.

Everybody says one should be filial. I really don't see how I can be filial whole heartedly. She's making me crazy. I would always think of ridiculous things to worry about. She likes to call me when I'm out, I'll always sneak glance around me even though I know it was impossible for her to be where I was. I would always think all sorts of scenario happening when I'm out. She really make me crazy. All the gifts and things I share with him had to be hidden. I'll change the hiding spot everyday. I'll always get paraniod about her. Extreme case. I'm crazy. I'm really crazy.

I wish for the day when she will truly leave me alone. I always crave the day when she will truly free me. What I'm afraid of is the after effects of the horror she put me through. The feeling of being suppressed can't be rid within a day. It has gotten so bad I'll get out of bed to check if my hidden stuff is still there. I get breathless whenever I think of her ever finding out all the lies I told to get away from her. I'm crazy. I'm really crazy.

Not to mention my dad. Either he can't be bothered or he doesn't know what's going on. Everytime my mom fights with my brother, he'll simply shout for them to stop or pipe down. Besides that, he throws tantrums. Lately I can even add obstinate to the list. He simply refuses to listen to what we have to say. To him, he's the one who's been out in society, so it makes him more knowledgeable than anyone in the house. That's simply bullshit. At times I argue my case. But mostly I simply keep mum. After all he's to be the winner is he not? Why has my dad turn out that way?

He drives us to school, gives us ample pocket money, doesn't interfere with our lives too much and grant us our space. Granted. He has the right ideas which I would be happy with. But he's not putting on the pants to hold down his rules. Somehow along the way, he had handed everything over to mom. He has his nights of bowling, days of work, circle of friends and hobby to kill time. He faces his fish more than he faces us. He doesn't listen to me anymore. Unless its severe situation. Like the dumps my studies is in. He doesn't ask about our friends, our school, our lives, our hobbies, our wishes. I feel no part of him in the family. Only when it comes to finance and tv.

Then of course, there's my darling brother. Both my parents shelter him, pamper him, sayang him. Why? "Because he has no EQ. He won't survive in the society. He's smarter than you no doubt. He's always the smart one. You are the stupid one. But you will survive. So we have to love him more." What crap is that? Its just them assuaging their guilt. When they get my material wants, they are filling a hole in my life. It's not effective. But it acts like a stopper to a bottle. I'm just waiting to explode. When I'm past my expiry date, I will. I'm just keeping my strength. I just know that the world's unfair. The world starts from my home. The unfairness starts from my brother's birth. My baby bro, rave all you want. I'll be free of them one day.