Saturday, May 28, 2005
-Doing nothing-While most teens are out having the time of their lives, I'm stuck at home with nothing to do except staring at a cold screen and willing that someone to continue trying. Perhaps i could go back to my drawing or sleeping. Or i could go over to piano school to rent a studio to play my heart out. But then that isn't the me i know. I enjoy doing nothing. Doing it with a comfortable companion and a relaxing environment yes. Now i have the walls closing in on me, the screen staring blankly at me and my brains not functioning properly, it is rather pressurising to be doing nothing at all.
-Nabie-
Read a few entries. I learnt about autistic children. I used to work with one. It was horrible to communicate. It was wonderful to have touched his life. Nabie probably won't remember me after these two years. I'll remember him though. Not because he's a special kid. But because i managed to get into his world. Ms Mui Siang told me i won't get pass his barricade and placed me in nursery room with babies. Even though we were holding hands like best friends.
Nabie began peeping into my classes about a week after i start story telling. Ms MS has to drag him back to his k2 class. Finally he simply barged in and sat among the babies one day. The babies stared at this grinning monster wide-eyed. Then scamper over to my side. He laughed and rolled all over the floor and Grrrrrr. He was engulfed in a mass of baby squeals soon. And we continued with Gingerbread Man. Ms MS granted permission for him to sit in since.
We progressed on to one-to-one learning lesson. Sometimes he gets on my nerves with his antics. But he can't be blamed. He himself isn't even aware of it. He's a mild case. Even then, some incidents prove to be testing of the carer's patience. Once he had to complete his maths (he's slower by a year in terms of academic) outside class. I was his giver then. He flung down his pencil half way through the page of numbered caterpillar. Proceeded onto the bathroom to pee (properly into the urinal thankfully) but wet his pants! And blew his mucus with no tissue covering and it dripped onto his chin. Asked him to clean it and
he smeared the mucus all over his face. Threw tantrum and stayed angry at me for the rest of the day. The next morning, his mom made him apologise to me. During playtime, we were friends again. Kids.
I never regret having to stay with him in the stuffy kitchen after lunch coz he could not attend the normal class. We'll play dinosuars puzzles with the figurines included. Or he'll paste fairy tale figures onto my apron. Or we'll take the baby class by storm with soft blocks and plastic construction tools. We'll make a building as tall as him then crash down upon it. Or we'll make kneading dough out of flour and exercise our fingers. Countless things we did. I believe I was the only playmate he had in e form of authority. The rest include him but he likes to distance himself. He was afraid of teachers. Perhaps its coz he calls me
jiejie, it doesn't sound as serious as teacher.
He was serious about playing.
After knowing my O-level posting, I left abruptly to attend school. Never got the chance to really say goodbye to the kids. Especially Nabie. Or Haizie. They could have known it on the last friday I was there that I'm not coming back. For
they gave me each a hug. Aw.....
He test me repeatedly but he's a good kid generally. He likes to help sit the young ones down during mealtimes. He's Aysah's world and hero. (Ran out of class once cause he heard Aysah crying next door. stood by the glass panel making funny faces till she calms down. even though she's not aware he's standing there. and look to me and smile when he's back.)He plays with Faiz when we're all busy. He likes to help put out mattresses on fridays, cleaning his space on wednesdays and keeping the playground everyday. For an autistic child,
he is indeed a miracle. For an inexperienced care giver, he made my work worthwhile when he admitted me into his world. It is a privilege to work with him.
-Childcare-I had my good and bad days there. The worst it could get is the draggy beginning of week and mid-week. The afternoons get especially long. The naps especially tempting. The kids especially troublesome. The days especially boring. One of the perks of my work : My dad sends me to and fro. Wah......What work you may ask. Try facing 40 kids from 7am till 6.30pm. And if you still have energy to talk to me, I'll be amazed. There are a few other kids who affect me greatly. Without them, I most probably would not bother turning up for work. I can only stand my own faeces. In the work, I had to clean any kid who wish to shit or urine anywhere anytime any place. Sometimes, I really wonder how I got through that. More on them another day.
-Lunatics-My dad and I were talking in the car. He mentioned Uncle Nelson has bipolar disorder. Uncle Japin has severe disorder. In any case, it means they are not actually depressed but they worry excessively. The issues they worry about are of the most ridiculous nature. But to them, it is the most important issue at hand. So much so that they may develope a phobia towards a certain object.
In Uncle Nelson's case, he fears faeces. Even his own. Whenever he has to use public toilets, he worries about being pelted by faeces. He will avoid going into cubicles if possible
just in case the occupant next door throws shit over. Once he saw a pile of shit in a lift at his block. From that day onwards he never take that lift anymore.
Uncle Japin is more severe. He tried committing suicide and murder with a chopper.That was the breaking point of his illness. It started from him harbouring fear regarding sharp edges. Even though it may be only a corner of a table, he'll worry the sharp end will pierce right through his heart and kill him. Finally he could not stand it any longer and tried to pierce his own heart before any other sharp object does. The murder attempt was that he believe all the furniture in the house was going to attack the family. So he thought he should get the family before anything else does.
Sad cases for both. But they are receiving medication. It leads me to wonder if my mom's suffering from mild form of this disorder too. After all she does worry excessively about insignificant things. Okies maybe not insignicant but she made it out to be some huge issues which would harm the world if she doesnt curb it. Like raving at me will help. *Shrugs*
-My dreams-It still continues. The same old dreams which feels so real. Worse if anything. It's disgusting to put it mildly. Disturbing to say the least. What's wrong with me?
3:38 PM