GIRLS...
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on him,
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead,
who wants to show you off to the world
when you are in your sweats,
who holds your hand in front of his friends,
who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on.

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding
you of how much he cares about you
and how lucky he is to have you.

Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

GUYS...
Find a girl who calls you baby faced instead of hot or sexy
who can't stand it when you hang up on herand calls right back,
who would sit there for hours looking into your eyes,
who doesn't care what you look like,
but what's inside counts the most,

Who looks at you with the twinkle in her eyes
and kisses you on the cheek instead of the lips,
Wants to be with you in public,
even if you wear those old grass stained
and ripped pants with the bleached jersey like always,

Wait for the girl who is a constant reminder of your happiness and joy,
who makes you smiles just by knowing she loves you back.

Wait for the girl who you give piggy back rides to in public
and she still is in view of her friends,
while she gets off and you hear her go:
"you're the one for me, for always"
____________________________________________________________________

is dat so??

She's Jekyll and Hyde.Beauty and Beast.Friend and Foe.All rowed into one.She doesnt let go and i'm trying so hard to break away.2clashing characters.Constantly rubbing each other the wrong way.She doesnt see me as a young adult.I see her as the unreasonable mom.Foul tempers, the only similarity.I thought i didnt warrent physical punishments anymore.Apparently not.Just to "knock some sense" into me.How appropriate.That it turns out she act out her words.How conveinent.How it felt so low.

If dreams were born of promises, i'm suffering miscarriage. Promises made are to be promises kept. Dreams one have are dreams to be true. Exploded mine was. Splintered anguish twisted within. Broken thread of pearl necklace slipped over lids. You cut the string, you imbedded splinters.Still hope is you're who to unprick and string it back.coz i still love you best.

-Unlock my cage.Free me within-

My mom's always Jekyll and Hyde. The fights and beatings. Then the splurging and concern. She doesnt let go and i'm trying to break free. 2 clashing figures, at each other's throat. I cant deny my foul temper. She cant get rid of her paraniod. Solutions just dont work. Where then is the balance? I thought i've weathered the worst. But after last nite, her laying hands on me again, i dont think its so simple anymore. what is she going thru now?

If dreams are born of promises, i had a miscarriage.When promises are made, i expect them to be kept. And if they are broken, i wish you wont stare. Splinters of angish twisted within, blank acknowledgment is what i could not bear. Though u broke those pieces, i hope u'll put them back. Coz even after all this time, i still love u best.

I thought i was used to being placed 2nd.But that was not the case.I thought growing up in such environment makes me a stronger person.But that wasnt the case.Coz even after all this time, i minded all the unfairness.What has he that i do not,which you must make obvious?

Attention is always on him.Just him alone.Then what about me?He's the smarter of us two,the brighter of us two,the livelier of us two,the cuter of us two, always always the better of us two.I don't wish to be petty.I'm not even jealous.I just want to be seen as an equal.On par with my lil bro.

My dad promised the camera.I should have known better.Of course i understand a new pc is essential.Of course i do.But no,i don't actually really know.I dont understand why is your notebook so important.The com's in working condition.And i would have bought one at the end of the year.I wanted a camera since last year.You wanted a com only weeks ago.I should have been e priority.Why are you made the topmost then?

I don't see a camera as being useless.coz i use it often.-Dont dismiss my wants just coz his is wat u care-it was silly to have cared so much i know.But the disappointment was there.

For the one time when u truly listened to me, you chose to leave me bare.
-Tears i have,but shall not shed.For they have not flowed to where it truly hurts-

1.coz i tink its between me n him

2.coz he didnt say i can talk abt it

3.coz i dun tink u guys wan e details

4.coz we onli go for movies or eat or slp or he beat/bite/strangle me LOL

5.coz u guys will fidn him so broing~coz i do~LOL

Okies la,1st mth he bought lingerie.YES LINGERIE! dat disgustin old man.lolz but since u asked, i'll oblige. haiz den fri was frenly day.met all e gfs.GFs. SSSSSS sum more. haiz....wat to do wat to do?no la.juz kiddin.gorge his eyes out if he so much as glance at others. onli I can do guy-watchin.i'm so boring.coz he's so boring.dat he is no other than *ahem*germy-e guy made of germs. tadaaaa~read sit si a ekoj. elaoive eyaoiu.

oh man i feel so eatable now.wake up @9am tml plz.spongebod waiting 4 me~

Everybody's out!!!I WAN TO BE OUT!!!!it's so boring to go out wv just papa n mama n didi.i sound like sum stupid-next-door-kind-sweet-pretty-lovely-pretty-innocent-pretty-beauitful-morally upright little ger.haiz....when will i be able to fly like a bird??

Went chinatown to have dinner.e $3 wanton mee was sooooo generous.Feels like eating a kiddy meal.haiz...e vegs must be so damn expensive these days.n e auntie must hv eaten my noodles. n she purposely wan to save on e kepchup.sooooo mean of her.wont she worry a lil ger like me, goin thru puberty,wont get e required nourishments??haiz....sum ppl....but e tang yuan was gd!yumyum~i feel so chi now.

Anyway there's this stupid cocky guy who stopped hsi lousy toy car in e middle of a one lane road!!!juz coz he wans to look at scarlet's interior!argh!!stupid stupid guy!shove his stupid exhaust pipe up his sodomised button lil ass!!bloody metrosexual.

-jhao-to say dat guys r all e same is an understatement. oh man oh man.i thought finally i'm rid of all e indecent.now he comes along n sings another tune. he laid e ger who's in love wv him n dumped her straight.why does it sound so fimiliar???coz it happened!!its played out everywhere!!!n to tink he's my fren!!argh!!!!were those like him?do they even repent??haiz... its such a depressing nite.-to say i'm nt pissed @u will be a lie.count urself lucky ur my fren-

-Mr Mark-dun push ur luck.

When i was just a lil ger, i believed everybody was nice.By 3, i learned e world.I was taught i wasnt good enough.But i formed my views and dreams though.I hoped i never had to come across the wicked queens and beasts in life.My dread finally occurred at oen moment.5mins was all it took.To tarnish all i've built.

I'm no longer pure n innocent.Through no fault of mine.But i tainted myself further yet.That i had only myself to blame.*The shame of sham i bear for years*The consequences i didnt thought entails.It came in the form of guilt revenge.I regretted what i did.But there's no turning back is there?I'm forever now the ger he sees.

I hate nazeer for starting the thread.For smashing my ideals.For breaking my will.I hate brian for taking advantage of the situation.For doing me further in.I hate samuel for taking me as what he thought.The easy person whom i was.I hate myself for tangling in webs.For soiling myself.For being a dirty linen.For having a past which i have to hide in closet.

Hypocrite me.If i were still a virgin now, will i still say pre-marital sex is fine? I dont want people to judge me.IS that why my answer was thus?But i were to preach preserving oneself for that one special person,I'm so much more a bitych aint i? I'll be denying myself the chance to be myself.I can no longer be on that side of things again.

I'm so tainted.

Ppl, u know ur special when i gave u my blog add....there isnt much i hide from u... after all, we've been thru thick n thin...YOU!yes you!i love you loads but there r sum things which u cant help me with...

Nat, i know wat happened was worrying...but plz...let me explain things myself...

_Tpjcians and my lovely 4H,

-s-is really really out of my life.i saw through him. even if i don't, i hate him for what he did to me.i didnt see it then, but i know now...trust me on tis.plus there's an addition who is helpin things improve.May&Co., e truth is -s- made an advance. i retreated.yes it insulted me alot.he used to hurt me in that sense.but after e last time, don't u think i'll be smarter?i'm nt e starry-eyed ger who's blind to him b4.he degrades me.he insults me.but i cant do anyting except ignore him.brian was like tis.nazaar was like tis.i pulled thru didnt i?he wans his money back, i'll juz pay him back. enuf said ya?

was just reading xiaxue's blog.chanced across tis entry abt frenz.jianxiang came up immediately.i understand guys dun like to appear too friendly to gers who r attached.i know u read my blog.stop pretending ur prepaid isnt bought yet.stop pretending you didnt understand my questions. i'm aksing u now.you read it.you ans me.i just wan to know y cant u juz be urself all e time? i've known u for years.but when were u ever there completely?you disppear whenever there's sumone.why?is e prospect so scary??

i nv mean to disappoint dad by droppin econs.i juz cant cope wv my subjects.yes i am lazy.i dun deny.but i was nv interested.i took it coz my parents believe it'll help.coz it'll open more doors in uni.i wanted to be interested so much.but ever since e beginning of tis yr, i no longer can stand e subject.letting it go was better.now i feel so much liek a failure my family made em out to be.just coz herman could juggle 4'A's n 2 's'papers.just coz meisi scored 3'a' n a 'b'.just coz liing is a model.just coz i'm nt wat they r.i am me.accpet me.but no.wenhui is always better.

"you'r too slow to pick up concepts.you dun hv e beauty.you dun hv e brains.you dun hv e ability.you dun hv gd frenz.you r nt studyin.you r nt doin us proud.you r strayin so much.you r so distant now."

__Why did i ever rebel?TO get YOUR attention!!TO at least be gd at sumting.TO succeed at cuasing havoc.TO e diff one at hm.__

Dun put me down.I am an asset. BE proud of ME!

n alvin, u dun hv to talk to me if u dun like my attitude!i dun need you of all ppl to tell me wat to say!u arnt any better MR Manners!go stuff ur fucking lecture up your sodomised ass!get off my back.

*i'm pissed.i'm so so so pissed.*

-imperfection=wenqi-

-there's nth wrong babes-

-lol ting's hols juz started.bake cookies(gif me sum!).pinics(bring me!).shoppin(take me!).tupperware meals(cook for me!).wat next?argued for a week le.happy le hor?~ai xin zhao chan~stop goin crazy babe.ur craziness is contagious.i'm goin crazy too.love ya!muack!-

-thomas i cant make it.i'm sorrie.-

-edwin baby,ur gettin bitchy.tooooooo bitchy.get off my back yea?we wont be separated for chi!no worries!-

-jianxiang,thank u.-

-the rest the rest,cya u in skool/msn/friendster/tuition/phone/wateva-

lolz crazy crazy day--
i dun need doubts--
i hv myself--
-d-take me up on my offer--
i need it done--
nt urs--

a fairytale u weaved.
enticing it seemed.
a step within.
you werent e substance u promised.
return me my dream.

-IF dreams do come true, when will mine be?-

-being crude-den don't bother talking-stuff ur shit somewhere else-i'm a good time ger-use those attitude on someelse-

-it is the way it works-you missed your chance-stop chasing it-it no longer works-work your magic on someelse-

-up and down-high and low-rollercoaster rideand flow-

-get lost-i don't need u-

get me stars, buy me moon, i'll be yours thru n thru.

-levonne remains s same after all these time. no one else does. even those who promised not to-

-liars-isnt it all the same-gif ur all,present ur soul,dirt it was,turned away-

-enclosed i may be,i know wat has changed,i kept my word.but u didnt-

-time to close e chapter?-endure a bit more-

-no point wasting more time-i'm all alone again.

skool's ending this week.hols next week.but the pace is picking up rather than slowing down. i know i need to study. stop calling me lazybum. i dun mean to not work you see. its just being me...but i'm practicising my piano!

selecting pics to develope.uncle took a few pics. hm....samuel took another. so...i shud give out my pics.watever

am i going out for this week? haiz

After 3weeks, i finally see him in skool. He was often sick apparently. Lucky lucky guy.

Boring day in skool. Skipping maths remedial.Seems like there's always a lesson for me to skip in a day. No nagging no nagging no nagging. I will attend those lessons eventually de.

Tml's the release of chinese results....argh...so maybe i cant meet you, germy dear. how how? nvm

its so boring so boring....and samuel's back~

Finally i touch a com in 2days! my hands were so itchy for the feel that i practised my piano pieces more than usual. skipped chinese again~edwin influenced us! Bad fren. haiz....should be tellin me to study not stone in library.

Seems like everyone's having their fair share of problems. Is it the weather or is it just the people? Had a rolling time in PE yesterday. Ballerinas. whao~ anyway that's not the point. The thing is i'm so bored. and i cant assess my net which means i can't check my stuff every night like i used to. And its driving me nuts.

Zhaoting asked is making babies fun. lolz. duh!why the hell people are doing it all the time?! but we know she just ask it to disturb ms rukhaidah. but i know i wasnt accidental and i am made in singapore. uniquely singaporean. that's me. wonder when people will stop commenting i dun look chi/sg/local/pure race. wo shi hua ren.

lynn says she misses my smell.didn't realise i have my own smell...i thought only my room and bed have it....hm...is it good or bad?do i stink...

lao gu's staying at my place.didnt see us since i was a baby. said i looked exactly like my parents. how can i look like both my parents? but he's a dear though he dont understand anything besides teochew. i shall try my best on him. lolz i dun live with my ah ma for nothing.

Jeremy, a.k.a germy, is not asking permission to read my blog again. where's ur manners huh huh huh? always attitude with me. better learn to treat me nicer. or other dears shall take over. lolz